Monday, July 16, 2007

Hell and the Drama-Llama

So...apparently, I'm going to hell.

Probably the sin that'll get me there is my love of drama. Or, at least, a certain type of drama. The kind where I get my fix from watching Church of Christ discussion boards and occassionally poke at things with my stick of left field thought.

So here's what I've noticed: Gays and female-bodied individuals trying to assert their personhood gets the panties of a decent number of CofC hard-liners into a twist. Try to tell someone that the way they were taught to look at the Bible in Sunday School isn't the only way to look at the Bible and some folks will get even crankier and go ad hominem. But if you really want a immortal Drama Llama in a CofC discussion board, bring up instrumental music.

This is song that never ends, yes, it goes on and on my friends...

The discussion boils down into: We have no authorization in scripture to use instruments. Yeah, and instruments also aren't forbidden -- we don't need explicit authorization. Yes, we do. No, we don't. Yes, we do. No, we don't. Continue until your cows come home.

So, one guy gets frustrated with this (can't imagine why, I'm with him on that point) and posts a message about how there are better things that could be done with time. Now, I'm kinda with him up until this point -- I'm all about debating, but instrumental music is the least of my concerns. But, what should Christians be spending their time on -- diving into yet another Facebook discussion board, but this time to seek and save the lost of the group, "So...apparently I'm going to hell."

Yeah, so I take this as an example of obliviousness to the real reason why folks like me joke about how we're going to hell. And a whole lot of evangelicals showing up to explain again that the Bible tells us we're all going to hell isn't going to do much of anything -- except maybe produce some giggles. Baby, baby, we don't accept your rules. Some of us don't read your Bible. Some of us read the Bible, but we don't read it like you. Sweetheart, who died and made you God?

It reminds me of the technique espoused by Kirk Cameron (Lady Sophia, bless him, you can tell he only wants to help -- he's like an over eager puppy) and Ray Comfort (who frightens me) of confronting people with the Ten Commandments to "prove" that they are sinners who need a fall into the arms of the church with tears streaming done the sides of their faces. I sort of want to run into these guys and just start interrogating them on just what makes them think that I myself think the Ten Commandments define ultimate right and ultimate wrong. (Yes, I know I would get nowhere fast, but I take that journey frequently. And yes, it would be in my best Southern Belle voice.) Or just start going on about how the Buddha has compassion for you and desires to bring enlightenment to you. Or something similar -- I don't know, quote the Gita back at 'em.

But yeah, duckies, hell isn't a threat to a lot of us, quite frankly. It's one of those things you hear so often it just doesn't mean anything. It's a threat tossed around without thought, so we think nothing of it.


Dw3t-Hthr said...

A while back, I was watching a "You're all going to hell" type discussion, and people's opinions on the convincingness of the argument were solicited. Or something. I may have just stuck my oar in because I'm a pushy bastard.


I commented something to the effect of, "So. You want me to break the commitments that have helped me to become a better person, better able to take care of myself, my family, and my community; give up my understanding of beauty; generally become more of a burden on the world than I was before, and less able to provide support and community ... because if I do, when I'm dead, your god will give me a cookie?

... sorry, I'm just not that selfish."

Most everyone else in the thread got a response. I think all I got was the distant sound of headexplodey.

WordK said...

Ooo -- exploding heads are fun. :D (I probably shouldn't reply to comments this early in the morning. Forgive, if it meanders.) Brilliant answer. Will there be Kool-Aid in heaven too? I'm a huge fan of cherry, I might give in for Kool-Aid.

My best friend is an atheist. She's also the most self-sacrificial, ethical, responsible, and -- frankly -- Christ-like person I know. Yet, all the time, I hear and see people trying to claim that atheists can't be moral. It makes me mad, especially when the people doing that claiming aren't too ethical themselves. But then, the hard-line evangelical crowd has some odd definition of moral that continues to escape my understanding.

I've started occasionally mentioning in such discussions that I'm happy to risk going to hell in order to pursue what glimpses of the truth of I've gotten. People don't seem to get it. And then I start contemplating composing replies that mostly quote "Sympathy for the Devil" or "John the Revelator" or something similar and seeing how long it takes for someone to catch on. Because, I am a catty little thing when all is said and done. And, I'm all about jumping in with my opinion. It's fun -- I never know what I'll be accused of next -- the last was that I have apparently never studied the Bible.