You know, you could have it so much better.
Now, switch bands from the UK with heavy accents.
The lyrics to "Eleanor Rigby" have stood out to me with a certain personal significance that I'm positive has nothing to do with Paul McCartney's intention. "Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name -- nobody came." Perhaps it came from the combination of having the Beatles singing in my head while the congregation was singing "None of Self, All of Thee." It always seemed to me to be describing the fate that the church I was at back in high school seemed to be pushing me towards. I was supposed to lose myself in the search for a husband, spend my time now becoming the perfect godly woman, eventually change my name to fit his, have babies, raise them in a church, devote my life to them, and (this wasn't in the plan I added it) probably wind up in a mid-life crisis resenting my hypothetical children and then doing more damage to them than if I had just kept up a career and life outside the home. Well, actually, I wasn't supposed to do that last bit. You see, if I lost enough of myself, if I died and in the church and was buried with my name in marriage, there wouldn't be anything bit of a self left to do the resenting. That might not be the intention, but that's what I experienced as the message, the goal of the socialization. Any other goals or aspirations were suspect, considered grounds for comments from other girls about whether I was a lesbian or not (oh, how I wish I could go back in time, kiss them on the cheek and tell them: sorry, sweetie, you're just not my type!) or perhaps whether or not I actually possessed a heart. Or from the teachers -- well-intentioned women, neither of whom I would describe as underdeveloped, unfullfilled or even particularly silent -- comments that I just need to calm down, that I probably will in five years. (FYI, It's been four and half, and I'm still as weird as ever, if not stranger.)
Anyway all of that leads to today's commentary on Focus on the Family, simple my mostest favoritest organization in all the Republic of Gilead. It's been a while sense I let my trainwreck fascination loose, and I'm bored today. But Fate, one visage of that Eternal Feminine, smiles down upon me, and I stumble over an article directed at my stunning demographic (the female undergrad) with the title: Faith For the Man He'll Become. Oh, it's too sweet. More! More! More! *breaks into Rocky Horror*
First, an Aristoltilean gem on dating:
He found he had a pattern of presuming upon his interest in a specific
woman (before courtship), instead of preparing himself to lead and serve a
Beacuse, that's right, folks, the female, being inert matter requires a male logos principle to give shape to it's substance. Women don't really exist independently of a man. You don't take interest in a woman, you prepare to find some formless woman-matter and shape it with your reason and your rationality.
But, see, now days, young (and older) members of the class of female are less likely to see themselves as woman-matter in need of a male sculptor. So, there's a learning curve for wives:
So here's what I want to impart to you: There is a learning curve to a man's
leadership as a husband and father. The qualities you can see in a 50-year-old man's life were developed over 50 years. There are 25 more years of growth ahead for the 25-year-old man before it's fair to compare them. While you are called to be discerning about the characters of the men you befriend or court/date, you also have a part in encouraging these men to grow. In fact, that's part of your learning curve as you prepare for being a wife.
Oh, oh, teacher, I forgot, I don't actually have qualities of my own, any qualities I have must first be filtered through a relationship with a properly masculine entity. I don't actually serve, I encourage masculine friends to serve the Bride of Christ. I don't actually grow in my relationship with God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit because I want to be closer to him, him, or it (because find me the hardcore evangelical who will personify the Holy Spirit as specifically feminine), silly me -- there is no me. I cultivate that so I can encourage a hypothetical future husband to be more Godly, that way I (oops! there I go again with first person subjectivity) won't feel so bad about destroying the last vestiges of myself in order for him to be fulfilled as a husband in his God defined role of Biblical masculinity (despite the fact that Paul explicitly states it is better to remain unmarried). I love being a tool. Use me, please!
Yes, I do realize that most marriages don't actually work like that, and no, this isn't a condemnation of guys looking to be godly, or of young women who do want to marry a godly man. There's nothing wrong with either goal. This is a mock of rhetoric that intentionally or not posits that females don't actually exist, or shouldn't actually exist, independentally of a male.
(In a twisted way, Focus on the Family is quite functional for me. All this sarcasm just builds up and builds up. At least they give me a target.)