Lost in the Underground

Prayer, Forgiveness, and Pain

2010-04-08T01:08:00.004-05:00

I am angry with one of my closest friends. He has hurt me, cut me to the bone and left me bleeding on the ground. All perhaps without knowing but that doesn't undo the pain, and doesn't negate the callousness with which I've been treated. It is times like these when I want to invoke the Russian. My dear, my close друг. Literally, my other.

This scenario came to head in the middle of last week, in the middle of Holy Week. Afternoon of Holy Thursday, I find myself trying to explain my hurt to my friend. And then speaking to him in dark hissed tones as he throws on his mask of the great pastoral one, casting me in the role of the supplicate seeking mercy and succor.

I don't want mercy. I don't an apprentice's attempt at pastoral care, dammit. I want you to recognize that you have hurt me.

Holy Thursday evening, the first of about twenty hours I will spend in services over the next week. I have ceased to shake with rage somehow. I don't know how. Should I be in church right now? Can I give the service the attention it deserves? And seriously, how petty does this betrayal appear in the one that is recalled here?

Oh, Judas, my friend, my other, will you really betray me with a kiss?

I made a resolution at New Years to learn how to pray, and have certainly not done as well with it as I may have liked. But sitting in that pew, I found myself praying. Give me the strength to cope. Please, guide me through what I must do to come out of this. (This was not the first time I have prayed in this crisis, but my ex-Protestant mind has a little trouble understanding curling up prostrate on the floor of the chapel before the icon of the Theotokos and literally sobbing as prayer.) I left the service still quite upset.

Wake the next morning for the marathon of Holy Friday. Three services. Eight hours or more worth. Bow before the icon of the Theotokos in the narthex, and light a slender votive candle for myself. Give me strength. Give me guidance. Give me some peace of mind.

And as the services progress, gradually I find that. I must forgive him. It is not an option. But forgiveness doesn't have to be immediate and forgiveness doesn't overlook or trivial the hurt he caused me. My pain is real, and forgiving him is going to require acknowledging and honoring it. And I will.

2010-03-12T09:36:00.002-06:00

I would like to state for the record that I'm a social justice loving Christian.

Paradigms shift like tectonic plates

2010-03-05T17:29:00.003-06:00

...another post on much the same thing...

I tried to explain to my ex about paradigms, used hear to refer to metaphors I use to understand my self and the world around me. How shifting them around was so disquieting to me, and while he was the locus a major paradigm shift, the dis-ease on my part was largely from interior sources -- much bigger than him.

I adopted a rather ascetic, Hellenistic, and disembodied paradigm in late high school, because it gave me some space to breath and be myself. It completely removed me from the CofC paradigm of reproduction of the church in which women are "saved through child-bearing." This ascetic idea gave me some degree of spiritual independence and freedom to use my mind and my logic, and damned be the person who would tell me a I couldn't because I had a particular body.

It was also simply replacing one extreme with the other and ultimately left me with some strong mind/body integration issues that I'm still chipping away at, but largely fell apart over the past year. I am much more at home in my body these days.

I've been operating in another paradigm of being a scholar of theology, but not a believer. Again, largely a matter of overcompensation. No, no, I'm not a prudish Christian. I curse. I drink. I commit other various "sins." I am not going to tell you that you're going to hell. I study faith, dammit, don't confuse that with person of.

And once again, the paradigm I was using to understand my self is falling apart. Not in a way that is bad, but in a way that is certainly disquieting.

I don't know if I'm a different person per se. I'm not a prudish Christian. I curse. I drink. I commit various other "sins," and am not particularly repentant about it. And I have little to no interest in telling you that you're going to hell or in bringing you to Jesus.

But I also can't deny at this point some deep seated belief in a transcendent something which may be properly referred to as God. Is this what they call faith? And slowly, slowly I've been developing a need for religious structure and community. A system that is something more than myself. At the same time, I've found a structure than meets my needs, and gives me room to breath and be my self. The prospect of letting go of the paradigm of "exile" and "refugee" and applying for citizenship still overwhelmes me.

Theological Refugee

2010-03-03T00:14:00.003-06:00

It has been a strange year. For now, I'll leave it at that.

I've written in the past on doing theology from a place of exile. I walked away from my religious homeland. For the past year, perhaps two, I've been doing theology as a sort of refugee in the Orthodox Church. Moving in a theological world where I am a foreigner, day by day improving my command of the language and learning to pass in the culture.

I am once again faced with the task of discernment. Do I become a citizen of this world? This world that has welcomed me in such surprising ways? This rich, beautiful theological tradition that gives me air to breath and food to eat? This highly conservative, androcentric church?

The Orthodox Church is not a perfect fit for me. But there isn't a church or religion that would be a "perfect" fit for me.

I was recently assigned Augustine's Confessions for a class, the three chapters leading up to his conversion in the garden. This is at least the third time I have read this particular section of the Confessions, but this time, I found myself copying sections out into my journal and identifying so strongly with Augustine. Almost, I'm almost resolved, but not quite.

He who Loses Himself will Save Himself

2009-12-20T17:11:00.002-06:00

It started out as basic work chatter. “How’s life?” My co-worker looks at me and nods in his uber-chill manner. “Life. Life is precious.”

Me being rambling me, I can’t leave it at that. “A precious human life. The most auspicious according to the Buddhists, because you see if you’re a god, it’s too easy, so you won’t work to escape samsara, and better than being born in one of the lower states of existence, because then you’re too miserable to be able to make your way out, but it’s auspicious to be human.”

He nods again. Buddha-like. “Hey, do you ever think religion is just egotism?”

“Um. Yeah.”

And then a rush hits.

This Just Makes Me Happy

2009-03-03T11:16:00.002-06:00

Yes, I do do theology with my stomach. And I would totally give a Food Network show hosted by a priest a chance. If I had cable, that is.

Apron Vestments

Obama = Kara Thrace

2009-02-28T15:34:00.003-06:00

Harbinger of the Apocalypse and all that good stuff.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

As is usual when Tim LaHaye and the monstrous work of bad writing and worse theology known as Left Behind is brought up, the Metra is left to say: What, what now? Of course, Rachel Maddow said: What, what now? with far more style than I can muster.

Question, if the Anti-Christ will be a commie socialist, why was the early Christian community described in Acts functioning as a commune?

No, Georgia, just no....

2009-02-11T09:50:00.003-06:00

And in yet another stunning display of anti-intellectualism, the GOP in Georgia attempts to ban classes (graduate-level classes!) on queer theory. (Via Feministing.)

Doubtlessly, they are aware of the academic throwdown between queer theory and gay and lesbian theory and are only doing this to help out the gays and lesbians.

I wonder how badly the field of queer theology would break them.... And I'm sorry folks, but your basic readings for queer theory....so less steamy than a good ol' time with Plato or even a decent chunk of Christian saints' lives.

"born?" oh, alternet....

2009-01-23T00:14:00.003-06:00

By born, certainly you mean "is fondly rocking the cradle of its great, great, great grandbabies"....although, yes, the scale of organization is certainly growing.

There's absolutely nothing new about the evangelicals and fundies hard-selling "Biblical" submission as liberation for women. Nothing new. I swear I'm remembering a similar argument being made in the 1880-90s in the Gospel Advocate as regards first-wave feminists (who didn't really do much to challenge gender norms), but don't quote me there. It's been a few summers.

And, actually, Twisty Faster is definitely onto something with her "women hate you" label. The worst of the brainwashing is carried out by the older women. Or, as is frequently becoming the case, by only slightly older girls who are honored with the position of a young women's ministry -- where they can make the marry and submit model look oh-so-cool to the younger things. This is possibly because the menfolk don't see one or two nutty unwomen-in-training to be much of a real threat.

And then back to work again....

2009-01-22T22:01:00.000-06:00

Mourning.

2009-01-19T23:09:00.003-06:00

I made it back to Memphis for a short 27 hour visit. (Apparently on a very bad night for the city. Wreck at Cooper and Union, saw about three fire trucks racing by as I was leaving Soul Fish, and tragically, the Memphis cops fatally shot a man while pursuing him.) And as I'm about to leave Tennessee to head back to Berkeley, I find myself in a mix of emotions about my city.

Memphis has a bad rep, deservedly, at the moment. I've been following the string of murdered and brutalized transwomen in my city with a heavy heart. Until this last summer, and possibly not even now, there hasn't been a great deal of awareness of this murders even within my college's GSA. (I can only speak as someone loosely associated with the Rhodes GSA, but I hadn't heard anything about Tiffany Berry's murder until I read Terrance's piece about her at the Republic of T.)

Part of this is due to the continuing racial divide in Memphis. Rhodes is still very white and privileged (and to a somewhat different effect -- straight). Students there, even one's who are trying to be aware of the outside world, live in our own little, fenced in bubble. Thus, it there were brutal murders and injustices within the greater community -- within a greater GLBT community -- and we remained unaware. And while there's a push to create stronger ties between Rhodes and the greater Memphis community, I'm not certain how effective the attempts will ultimately be. Tutoring at Snowden is great, but when you graduate without realizing that Snowden is one of the better schools in the city... (I'm also opposed to the noblesse oblige attitude that is extremely prevalent on the Rhodes campus, but that's another matter.) I suppose for the time being the best I can do is to combat my own ignorance and e-mail my remaining friends at Rhodes to try to prevent a similar state of group ignorance in the here and now.

But I still love Memphis. I still want to be living in Memphis. I drove out of the city with a part of my heart breaking because I don't know when I'll be driving back in. I want the best for Memphis.

Pointless Video Post

2009-01-12T22:10:00.002-06:00

Franz Ferdinand is releasing a new album!!!! But wait, is it the eighties again?

I dig. But holy crap, looks like an early Depeche Mode video.

Good to know...

2009-01-12T21:54:00.003-06:00

Mike Huckabee is not pro-sodomy. Just in case you were wondering.

File under, the hell?

h/t Box Turtle Bulletin

We break our silence to bitch some....

2009-01-05T19:36:00.003-06:00

So in our new life as a sarcastic grad-student by day and an even more sardonic barista by night (or early morning), I run into some of the eccentrics of the Berkeley area. In all honesty, the customer base is decent -- the notion of murder only pops into the back of my head about 5% of the time.

A recent addition to that 5% is someone I've dubbed "Organic Milk Mom." Here's how the interlude at the register goes, repeatedly.

OMM: *setting toddler down on counter, where toddler can grab at tip jar and other objects, or get badly scalded if someone tips over a cup of coffee, orders something. Begins the high-pitched holier-than-thou voice.* Is organic milk an option?

Me: No, ma'am. But we use Berkeley Farms milk, so it is growth hormone free.

OMM: Well! *insert head-flip here* What about non-fat? Is that an option?

Me: Yes, ma'am. *begins to hit non-fat button on register*

OMM: Or low-fat? Do you have low-fat?!!!

Now, this would be a throughly reasonable discussion if it occured once. The fact that this discussion has occured twice in three days with exaggerated "OMG! How can you not have organic milk!" intonations is ridiculous. If we didn't have organic milk on Monday, we aren't going to have it on Wednesday. Do not hold up the line because you somehow think that being a bitch to the barista making a little over 8 dollars/ hour will get anything changed.

But apparently in the minds of some crazy-mothers, non-organic foodstuffs are tantamount to abuse.

I'm contemplating changing the script next time, smiling sweetly, pulling out my accent and telling OMM. "Well, all our milk is carbon based, so yes, it's organic."

Such people are rivaled in my disdain only by the one or two environmental crusaders who flip out when I ask them if they would like a carrying bag for their coffee. If you don't want it, a "no, thanks" is all that is nessecary.

Music Meme!

2008-12-07T22:28:00.002-06:00

Yes, somewhere in the middle of scribbling frantic thoughts on boddhisattva's, homoeroticism in the lives of holy fools, and queer critiques of marriage theology, I stopped to play this game.

Put your MP3 player on shuffle, and write down the first line of the first twenty songs. Post the poem that results. The first line of the twenty-first is the title.

i’ll tell you something…

destiny, destiny protect me from the world --
the Mississippi Delta is shining like a national guitar --
they watch you, your expert double exs

your cd collection looks shiny and costly
you can look, but you can’t touch
whatcha gonna do when the party’s over?
take me back to dear old blighty?
time is like a broken watch

isn’t god allowed to think?
i am he, as you are he, and we are all together
touch your thighs, i’m the lonely one
i tried to fall in it again

adia, i do believe i’ve failed you
what you want, what you got . . .

i can’t believe the news today
because the world is round
a sub-granite wall numbs our bones
on nights like this when the world’s a bit amiss
give me some of this
anytime i need to see your face

When beauty standards met punk cabaret...

2008-12-01T13:10:00.003-06:00

Punk cabaret said "Fuck You." Amanda Palmer is leaving Roadrunner Records, because they insisted that shots of her "fat" belly be removed from one or her videos. More at Feministing.

We break from contemplation of ascetic practice and marriage theology to insist that Amanda Palmer's belly is a smoking hot belly. (What with Amanda Palmer being a smoking hot person and all...)

We shall now return to our originally scheduled day of theorizing.

Minister too tired for seven days of sex.

2008-11-24T19:05:00.002-06:00

(yes, that was CNN's headline, deal)

I wonder what he would think of the early Christian practice of celibate marriage. And I'm bothered (but not hot) from the emphasis on wives realizing they needed to be more available to their husbands, and not so much the other way around. Seriously though, this is about the third evangelical minister I've heard of running something like this in the past year or so.

One of these days...

2008-11-05T21:50:00.003-06:00

I will get back to rambling here...but until then...

Congrats to Barack Obama!

And shame upon a bit over half of California, Florida, Arizona, and Arkansas. Shame.

Mwahahahaha!

2008-10-24T11:43:00.000-05:00

The Hegemony of Representation

2008-10-03T11:20:00.000-05:00

Two semesters ago, whilst reading an article on unofficial Soviet art, I encountered the quite useful term -- a hegemony of representation. I can't remember the technical definition, so here's how I internalized the term: what you get when one ideology or model dominates discussion and dicourse to the point of excluding all other models. By creating and maintaining a hegemony of representation, one group within society can effectively oppressive minority groups whose lives and realities are not reflected by the dominant paradigm. Pretty much a common sensical no brainer. But a useful concept when you want to analyze political function.

In Which Metra Longs for a McCain/Rice Ticket...

2008-09-12T19:41:00.003-05:00

...'cause at least we wouldn't have this nonsense.

Attacking Russia would be a absolute disaster, and given that the USA and the Russian Federation have the largest stockpiles of nuclear weapons has a very good chance of heralding an actual eschaton.

I bet that didn't just leave Condi Rice cursing -- she probably had to fall back on her fluency in Russian.

A Swing...

2008-09-01T17:59:00.002-05:00

...and a miss for Cindy McCain.

Are you serious, ma'am? Do you understand how flipping big Russia is? Is your entire understanding of foreign policy based on Risk where you can launch a nice attack on North America from Kamchatka?

Repeat after me: Putin is not an idiot. He will happily piss off America by expanding Russian Federation control over former Soviet republics. He will not attack America. Why? Because Vladimir Putin is not an idiot.

If John McCain were that great on foreign policy, you might think he might correct a misunderstanding on the part of his wife that's this glaring.

h/t to Pam's House Blend

I am not now, nor will ever be, a member of the pre-pregnant party.

2008-08-30T22:39:00.003-05:00

The Apostate on pregnancy, abortion rights, and bodily control.

I agree. One hundred percent. You should see me freak out when I think too much about the shard of wood embedded in my leg -- the drugs I would have to be on to carry a pregnancy to terms would probably result in a miscarriage anyway. Reproductive control is psychologically important.

And read down in the comments, it's also true that women are simply expected to hand over control of our bodies far more frequently than men, and with no fuss. If a man avoids doctors, the response is a shrug -- boys will be boys. If a woman avoids doctors like the plague and maintains an extreme distrust of medicine -- we're categorized as being irresponsible. Probably because for a good chunk of our lives we're categorized as "pre-pregnant."

Things You Should be Reading

2008-08-25T14:56:00.002-05:00

Terrance at the Republic of T. has a series of posts on hate crimes that have occurred recently in Memphis. Part One, Part Two, and Part Three. I'm ashamed to say that I was only aware of one out of the three incidents.

"Transphobic Words and Deeds" at Questioning Transphobia is one of the most enlightening and thought-provoking posts I've read in a while.

How's life in my neck o' the woods?

2008-08-20T21:09:00.000-05:00

This, approximately.

Yes, Picard would totally kick Kirk's Behind

2008-08-06T22:21:00.002-05:00

And I don't know enough about Doctor Who to make a prediction, but I totally wish I could see this production of Hamlet.

As usual, Fox News Should Be Ashamed

2008-08-04T16:32:00.005-05:00

The story is that Mary Winkler has been awarded full custody of her daughters, who will continue to have visits with their paternal grandparents.

Unfortunately, the media vilification of Ms. Winkler continues with Fox News in the lead. Their headline for the balanced AP article: "Killer Mom Gets Kids" with a blurb that only identifies Matthew Winkler as a preacher and Mary Winkler as the convicted killer. (The screencap below is of Fox's home page, which I frankly don't care to link to.

I've previously ranted about similar treatment of Ms. Winkler by the Memphis Commercial Appeal and CNN, but that biased coverage pales in comparison to this travesty of journalism.

Fair and balanced, Fox News? Yeah. Better word is hypocritical.

h/t to Fran

Book Meme

2008-08-03T11:26:00.002-05:00

According to The Big Read, the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books on this list.

The instructions:
Look at the list and:
Bold those you have read.
Italicize those you intend to read.
Underline the books you LOVE.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. 1984 - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis Why on earth is this book on here twice?
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (This really shouldn't get anyone credit.)
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’ Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92.The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

And a final point of contention, where the heck is the Brothers Karamazov?????
Delete The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrode -- since it's included in the Chronicles of Narnia -- and add TBK.

Carnival!

2008-07-29T11:17:00.001-05:00

The Carnival for Progressive Christianity is up!

More on the Knoxville shooting

2008-07-29T10:53:00.002-05:00

Two pieces of analysis from the writers at Alas, A Blog.

The Dangers of Demagoguery

My additional comment here is that Tennesseans have experienced not one, but two major incidents of demagoguery put into action this year. The first was the burning of the Islamic Center in Columbia, TN. And now this. Maybe Tennessee will manage to wake up at some point and recognize their political grandstanding does actually hurt people.

Also from Alas: Guns, Killing, and People

Yay, Kiera Knightley!

2008-07-29T01:03:00.001-05:00

Kiera Knightley is insisting that her breasts not be digitally enhanced in the publicity for her upcoming movie. What a novel concept!

Knoxville Church Shooting

2008-07-28T11:26:00.002-05:00

A gunman walked into a Knoxville area Unitarian-Universalist church yesterday and opened fire, killing two members and injuring others. His actions probably were influenced by the church putting up a sign declaring support for GLBT persons. The Knoxville police report that in a letter he wrote he claimed to target the church because of it's "liberal stance on things."

There's a number of blogposts following this with more info:
Box Turtle Bulletin: here, here, and here
Pam's House Blend
and
The Wild Hunt

Zombies!

2008-07-27T21:42:00.003-05:00

From Zan at Butterfly Cauldron:

And now, to the meme:

You are in a mall when zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon
2. One song blasting on the speakers
3. One famous person to fight along side you

My weapon of choice: Oxy-acetylene cutting torch, tanks on a hand-cart, of course.

Our themesong: "Mean Town Blues" Johnny Winter

Famous side-kick: A certain college prof, preferably about with a certain college friend. That doesn't count, well...fiddlesticks. St. Andrew of Constantinople, then. (There is method, here, I promise.)

TAG!

Hello, Berkeley!

2008-07-27T21:21:00.003-05:00

I am in Berkeley.

Getting here was harder than it should have been. The flight I was supposed to be on was delayed by more than four hours. Southwest rerouted the passengers, which caused nice full-to-the-brim flights, oh and everyone's baggage got nice and left-behind. By the time I got myself and my luggage together it was too late to get to the hostel in Berkeley, so I ended up at a hotel near the airport for the night, fuming and having vivid dreams of trying to catch my luggage. Murr... So instead of arriving in Berkeley at about 7 pm on Thursday, I arrived in Berkeley at about 11 am on Friday. Dropped my luggage in the hostel office, found lunch, bought a bus pass :), and made it to my first potential-roommate interview with next to no trouble.

So far, Berkeley is quite pleasant. The streets and buses are crowded with people. This has produced a small degree of cognitive dissonance, as my brain associates crowded streets and buses with hearing Russian. So I've been walking around expecting to hear Russian. This wasn't helped by the three Russian-language conversations I overheard today within ten minutes. (There was also a lady speaking some Slavic language on the bus on day one, but I think the language was Polish.)

So far, I'm quite happy with the bus system. I'm sure that eventually, I'll even absorb that bus schedules actually mean something here. I'm also happy that street-harassment is nothing like Memphis. As of yet, nothing, and that includes my trip today to a not-so-nice (but still not really bad) area of town.

The only "fun" thing I've done was wandering down to the Marina, which is quite pretty and pleasant and nice and SUNNY, so I'm nicely burnt.

The goal is to find a room, so if anyone knows someone looking for a roommate is Berkeley, holler, sing out, do whatever it is that you do!

And no, I haven't yet had the guts to even try anything purporting to be BBQ.

Memphis...

2008-07-23T21:02:00.000-05:00

I fall in love easily. Or at least, that was the case with Memphis, when I was sixteen and declared to my mother while visiting that I thought Memphis was great and I wanted to live there.

I "left" Memphis a couple of weeks ago, but it hadn't really sunk in. Tomorrow, I'm leaving Tennessee for Berkeley, CA. The vast majority of Tennessee I'm kind of happy to be escaping, but glorious, midtown Memphis . . . Memphis, I will miss. I'm going to miss the bungalows. I'm going to miss driving down North Parkway with a canopy of trees. I'm going to miss not being able to figure out for certain if it's the monkeys at the zoo or the fratboys making noise. I'm going to miss Al Rayan's amazing food, the BBQ Tofu at Tracks, Central BBQ, the freaking Sputnik outside of Joe's Wines and Liquors, getting lost and exploring a new part of the city, Cooper-Young, the Campus Safety office, the churches, Elmwood cemetery, the random funky signs that are everywhere, hitting all the thrift stores on Summer Ave., Summer Ave., the pretty that is Peabody, driving back from West Memphis at night, the Mississippi, the flat terrain . . .

I'm going to miss that Memphis won't allow her lovers to become trapped in a white tower and forget reality, both the ways it's beautiful and flaws that need to be fixed.

Memphis, I will miss you.

Big Summer Movie!

2008-07-18T23:16:00.002-05:00

If you have anything of a geek in your body at all, you should probably go see The Dark Knight at some point. As superhero movies go, this one's up there with the first of the X-Men trilogy and the first Spiderman. The plotline is well enough developed to carry the special effects, the hand to hand combat, the chase scenes, and the techie gadgets.

Yes, there may be spoilers in the rest of this, read with caution.

This may only be due to Heath Ledger. And I would say that even if I weren't dangerously close to being in the category of people who are only seeing The Dark Knight in his honor. Ledger's take on the Joker is brilliant. To paraphrase the WaPo's film critic -- you can see the broken boy peeking out from behind the makeup. The Joker is twitchy, goading, sadomasochistic, terrifying and often appears saner than the population around him: at one point, he comments that people are calm as long as everything goes according to the plan -- no matter how terrible that plan is. He's a man who has stared straight into the void and realized that you can ask why all you want but an answer won't be forthcoming. The Joker exposes the madness of the paradigm by taking it to it's logical extreme.

I was underwhelmed by the film's other two leading men. (The effect was probably intensified by my lack of finding either Christian Bale or Aaron Eckhart attractive in the least. Conversely, my sister grins a little when talking about Christian Bale who's "just so cute.") Bale doesn't need a wide range to play his character. He has to be brooding and gruff with a side of plastic playboy. Aaron Eckhart was not bad, but he didn't manage to capture much of an edge to add to his character.

Sadly, Maggie Gyllenhaal was visibly constrained in her role. Rachel had more guts in her left little finger than Harvey had in his whole body, and yet she's stuck playing second fiddle to him and Batman both. Sad times. She's definitely an improvement over the withering "Betty" from The Incredible Hulk, but it's rather maddening to her Harvey Dent mourned as "the best of us" and Rachel essentially forgotten.

Which brings me around to my next feminist beef with the film. It's my understanding that Commissioner Gordon's daugther, Barbara Gordon, aka Batgirl, aka Oracle, has far more of a role in the Batman universe. So why is Commissioner Gordon's son the child who is somewhat developed in the film? (Daughter appears, but only to be shielded from seeing bad things by mom.) Ergh. Come on, people! It's okay for girls to want to grow up to kick some supervillain ass!

But, honestly, I wasn't expecting a feminist subtext, and the film was a definite improvement on strongly anti-feminist subtext of The Incredible Hulk and the somewhat less anti-feminist subtext of Prince Caspian.

Ever wonder what religious studies majors pass around in their free time?

2008-07-17T23:46:00.001-05:00

Eye rolls of the Day

2008-07-14T19:22:00.003-05:00

First and foremost -- Christians feel "offended" by English translations of the Koran being left on their doors. Read more at Barthlomew's Notes on Religion. (Via. The Wild Hunt and The Jaded Hippy.)

Now how many Gideon Bibles and Chick tracts have I scored lately? Hmm...

Second, via Ramblings a gay man is suing Zondervan and Thomas Nelson claiming that the references to homosexuality in the KJV and NKJV and probably NIV have violated his constitutional rights by causing him emotional suffering.

The intent of the publisher was to design a religious, sacred document to reflect an individual opinion or a group's conclusion to cause "me or anyone who is a homosexual to endure verbal abuse, discrimination, episodes of hate, and physical violence ... including murder," Fowler wrote.

You know, I'm sure that the translations in question have caused him pain and contribute to the anti-gay bigotry of evangelical Christian culture. I'm inclined to think that the verses implied are, in fact, mistranslated. (Of course, I also think that to a great extent they are untranslatable.) And as for Zondervan's study materials, I don't think too highly of them. But, seriously, is this the best way to go about educating people as to the problems with those translations and study materials? And to paraphrase answers to one family of anti-porn arguments, the Bible doesn't kill people, violent bigots kill people.

In defense of the rest of us on the super-progressive side of world, this is not how we generally operate. I shall now return to reading subversively. ;)

Michelle Obama

2008-07-09T16:20:00.003-05:00

Frankly, folks, I kinda wish she were running for president. It's high time some leader in the country stopped pandering nationalistic bullshit and did something to fix the problems that can be fixed and improve what demands to be improved. It's all relative, darlings. I doubt the British papers painted Jefferson, Madison, Washington, et al. as "patriots."

It's also high time that the supposedly fair and balanced Fox news network quite using fearmongering and smear campaigns to up their ratings.

Let's Talk About Sex

2008-07-06T23:41:00.004-05:00

The following theoretical was written as a response to a question about how to determine correct sexual ethics on a rather nicely varied discussion board of the Christian persuasion. I'm debating whether or not to post it, and probably sign it -- the celibate libertine.

I’m very wary of declarations of the “Biblical” code of sexuality. I think to a very large extent concepts don’t translate well between 1st and 2nd centuries C.E. and today.

The Biblical view of sexuality is complicated, to say the very least. For instance, if I said that rape (in the modern sex-without-consent understanding) is immoral, I would hope that I wouldn’t get much argument. But if you consider the way marriage has worked for the vast majority of human history, an awful lot of sex-without-consent has taken place while being dubbed marriage. (Ladies, close your eyes and think of England!) The idea of consent is constructed in a very different way – for instance, modern ethics would insist (and rightly so) on the consent of both parties involved; whereas, historically, the consent of the fathers involved was considered to be more important to forming a legitimate marriage or sexual union. Examples off the top of my head: Lot offering his daughters to be raped and the rule in Deuteronomy 22: 28-29, where if a man “rapes” a unbetrothed girl he’s to pay off the father and marry her. (I recognize that the law at least ensures financial security for the woman involved, or perhaps just relives her father of needing to provide for her – but I think it still illustrates the vastly different understanding of “moral” behavior in different times.)

The Bible is also an extremely androcentric book, which is another point to consider. There was a thread on another board about whether or not masturbation was moral. Well, the directly applicable Bible verses relate only to male masturbation. If we limit the scope to the Old Testament, this also applies to homosexuality. Male homosexuality is condemned, but there’s no mention of female homosexuality. Much of the Bible also assumes a male audience – one illustrative quip I’ve heard is that if a group of lesbian women were instructed that they were not to lie with a man as with a woman, the response would be something along the lines of “well, of course!”

My point is not that the Bible, Church tradition, community standards, what have you, should be ignored -- a egotistic standard of sexuality that is not in conversation with these and other sources is certainly not going to be moral. My point, which I think, a number of us here would agree on to varying degrees, is that reasonable people could disagree of the exact parameters of "moral" sexuality in good faith.

Working from Jesus’s command to love your neighbor as yourself, and the recognition of the basic personhood of women, I think the most fundamental rule for any Christian of any gender would be that exploitative sex and nonconsensual sex are absolutely wrong. The description of marriage in Ephesians 5 is one of the relatively few positive descriptions of human sexuality in the Bible. Frequently, the headship of the husband is emphasized as the defining feature, but it really is more proper to emphasize the idea that the husband is to love his wife as his own flesh. The trust, love, and loss of egotism in the relationship between the two partners is the defining element.* In fact, my feminist addition, is that the androcentric nature of the text should lead one to emphasize the action of the husband as the defining factor. (Now if we harmonize this with Galatians 3:16, treat husband and wife as arbitary constructs of human society, things get interesting.)

Depending on one’s understanding of the Bible, Church tradition, which Church tradition, I also believe that there can be a number of good faith understandings of how that principle should be put into practice. Additionally, while I firmly disagree, I don’t take issue with the belief, based on a literal reading of the Bible or logical paths, that homosexual activity is a sin provided that the person holding said belief treats all people with basic human respect. And now, I'll piss people off and say that treating all people with basic human respect means NOT forcing your opinions on what constitutes sin onto someone else's life via the secular government.

‘Tis complicated. To not even bring up the issue of exactly how the categories of immoral, unethical, and sinful should be broken up. Cheerios!

*There's varied several texts I'm drawing this idea from: First, a podcast from Ancient Faith Radio, you can find at: http://audio.ancientfaith.com/paradosis/par_2008-06-18_pc.mp3
For an extremely different and yet similar understanding see Vladimir Soloviev's essay, "The Meaning of Love" (which was actually written to defend a long-running affair). It's published in the collection The Heart of Reality, trans. Vladimir Wozniuk.

mmm...catharsis

2008-07-02T21:45:00.003-05:00

My excuse for seeing Wanted is that I, as a Russian major, must support the foray of director Timur Bekmambetov into American cinema.

My reason is that he's a slick and stylish director, and I like slick and stylish movies -- even if they're a bit low on the substance part. That and I'm in a mood where an ultraviolent flick is good for the mental health.

To begin, Wanted meets my basic demand -- it was worth the ticket price. (5.50 -- yay, for the local cinema's ladies' night!) Bekmambetov used an interesting series of cuts to keep the exposition from being too dull. (Can the Time Warp be dull?) The car chases were thrilling. The violence was creative and artful. The pacing felt a little slow at moments, but overall, it worked.

The movie relies heavily on a voice-over from James McAvoy. I'm not certain how I feel about it. I suspect it was a nod to Fight Club. The film also bears some strong similarities to Bekmambetov's campy Russian vampire film of gloriousness Night Watch. Both films open with a lesson in the history of the film's universe -- in Night Watch, the formation of a truce between the armies of light and darkness and here, the formation of the mysterious Fraternity. Both films have an underlying theme of creating and preserving balance (more on that later). The parallels between Wesley and Anton (the protagonist of Night Watch) are extensive -- wimpy dude suddenly finds himself killing things in visually nifty ways. And there are daddy issues.

Oh yes, and Konstantin Khabetsky -- who played Anton in Night Watch and appears to be Johnny Depp to Bekmambetov's Tim Burton -- appears as a Russian assassin with a collection of pet rats and a damn good bottle of vodka. (Platinum Russki Standart -- I wants it, precious!) His character is a little "off" -- I think blazhennii might be the Russian word for him -- and throughly delightful. We also have an Easter egg with the buzzing flies. Poor flies.

James McAvoy did well with his character he was believable whether he was wimping out, babbling in terror, or kicking ass. Morgan Freeman was predictably solid and created enough ambiguity around his character to make the twist that shall not be revealed fairly satisfying. Angelina Jolie was the weak link. Yes, she's hot with the guy and tattoos. But she apparently has two modes in this movie. Grim face and smirk. What happened to the Angelina Jolie of Girl, Interrupted?

If you go to this film, go expecting style, enterntainment, creative ways of inflicting a lot of damage. Do not go if you want a lot of substance.

But lest it be said that film has no substance at all, I will argue that it has some. The theme of balance provides some meat -- particularly if you wanted to force the film into conversation with the larger body of Russian philosophical work on the difference between egotism and individuality. Our assassin squad seems to operate with a binary of the wolves and the sheep. Are you going to be a sheep, blindly stumbling to your "destiny," or are you going to be a wolf and take destiny into your own hands? The movie doesn't provide a clear answer -- which I do think was on purpose -- and I like that. I wish that the film had taken a little more time to explore not playing that game at all -- which is suggested by the wishes of Wesley's father for his son, but whatever. Summer action flick.

Also, no one in their right mind should bring their six year old to this film. Someone did. The film is rated R for a reason. Shame on you, parent who did so!

On the Theme of Small and Cute Animals...

2008-06-27T00:10:00.002-05:00

When I was younger, I was huge fan of the Redwall series. (I still take a bit of pride in having been an active member of the online fanclub Dibbuns Against Bedtime that was integrated into one of the later novels. Even if I haven't read said later novel.)

So, I thought I'd reread Redwall -- why not?

The opening scene is our bumbling little novice friend, Matthias the mouse tripping across the abbey in an oversized tunic and sandals. What's my first thought?

Geez, Abbott Mortimer is certainly failing according to the Rule of Saint Benedict, which specifically instructs the Abbott to ensure that all novices and brothers have properly fitting robes.

Ah -- the joys of being a religions geek!

Well, look what the cat dragged in...

2008-06-25T17:24:00.003-05:00

Today, my sister's cat merited his oh-so-cliched name. Rascal brought us a baby rabbit.

Mind you, we're quite used to finding small dead animals on the doorstep, courtesy of Rascal or the other cats multiple suitors. So if he had brought us a dead baby rabbit, we would have sighed, and buried it, and gone on with life. However, Rascal decided not to kill the baby rabbit. In fact, other than piercing the baby's ear, he didn't harm the rabbit at all. He just brought the baby in the house and dropped it at the sister's feet

So, now we have a baby bunny, eyes not open, in apparently perfect health. (He's as active as a comparably aged kitten, so we don't think there are any internal injuries.) We've got him in a box with an old dishtowel and a heating pad of microwaved rice. The plan is to wait until it's close to dusk (when momma rabbits return to the nest according to a couple wildlife rehab sites), put him outside where we think the mother might find him, and hope for the best. (The mother's won't take them back was they've been touched by a human tale is apparently false.)

The baby is cute. Especially when he's dreaming. Or having nightmares about being picked up by a huge tomcat and dragged away from his nest. He "pops" every now and then. And there are pictures and video when I get them from the sister's camera.

Stupid cat.

ETA: We believe that the baby rabbit (dubbed George Michael by my sister, for reasons unknown but presumed to be sufficient) has been reclaimed by his mother. We left him in the area where we suspected the nest might be and were checking on him every now and then. Around 11, I shown a flashlight down to the were he was from the deck and saw a full-grown rabbit hopping away. Cut the lights, waited thirty minutes, and then walked down to check. No George Michael in his box, no signs of raccoon or possum dining, we suspect momma rabbit has her baby back.

Good thing too, as the closest wildlife rehab center is a 140 mile round trip. Saving this bunny could have gotten quite expensive. And, although, my mother was well on her way to trying to domesticate him . . . well, we really don't need an illegal pet rabbit -- cute though he might have been. (Little white stripe on his forehead. Very adorable. I mean, if a great-aunt had domesticated a skunk...)

Again. Stupid cat. But all's well that end's well.

Submission and Authority

2008-06-07T23:57:00.000-05:00

I found a draft from a while back, and I can't figure out why I didn't publish it. So from February:

Russ Adcox (one of the CofC preachers/thinkers who I find well worth the reading time) has an interesting post up on the issue of authority. The particular context is the idea of discipleship and submission to the authority of Jesus in Christianity. A member of the congregation apparently brought up the problem that the idea of Jesus as an authority figure could cause an individual who has been abused by authority figures in his or her life.

I think there's a difference between a spiritual authority to whom you submit to for teaching and guidance and who recognizes that your submission is only possible because you have a basic authority over yourself, and an authority that claims you have no real choice, you will submit, or else.

On Beale Street the other night (I had friends in town), a group of about three people were hanging out with a large sign, informing everyone there that if our names weren't found in the book of life, we'd been spending eternity swimming in a lake of fire. This would be the submit or else version of authority. This would be the type of authority that kicks my fight or flight instinct into high gear. Should I ignore them and go elsewhere on Beale? Or should I sit down in a half-lotus position and start chanting the lyrics of "My Sweet Lord"?

This second type of authority is destructive and oppressive. It's the type of authority that has to assert itself through violence -- whether the spiritual violence of being damned to hell for eternity, or the realized violence of destroying another's house of worship. The implication is that one does not really have a choice. Anything which challenges the hierarchical norm will be punished.

I can see the fundamentalist reply of tough cookie -- that's just how it is, submit now or burn. To which I really can't reply with anything other than -- no. Ain't buying it.

Free submission to an authority is a different matter, of course

WTF?

2008-06-07T23:07:00.003-05:00

Don't ask how my internet browsing ended up at beinggirl.com. But, eww! Shouldn't there be some sort of public outrage over this garbage being handed to girls?

"Shaving is a part of growing up. It's ladylike and fun so EMBRACE it."

Is bad grammar ladylike as well? That one I may have in spades. (Yes, the comma in the quote is also missing on the website.)

And just ugh! Not that I feel the need to be embraced as ladylike with my gloriously hairy legs, but . . . how on earth did this myth that women shaving their legs is somehow natural and innate become so f'ing pervasive? Oh, yeah, marketing. Like this crap!

Shaving one's legs is not a part of growing up. It is a part of a particular ideal of feminine beauty that one should feel free to participate in or reject.

As my sister -- who does shave -- says: They're your legs!

Calling Progressive Christians!

2008-06-07T17:36:00.000-05:00

Check out this new carnival, submit your writing, and anticipate other writings!

July's theme is Community, and the carnival will be hosted at Reweaving.

Discernment is a Big Word

2008-06-01T16:23:00.002-05:00

When one is the resident of a Religious Studies department, one sees a lot of flyers advertising meetings for the pre-ministry kids on how to discern the call to the ministry. With the combination of my background in CofC land and my cynicism of organized religion – I typically ignored them. Other than stopping to think: only RS people can come up with such a impressive sounding way to phrase that classic post-adolescent problem: what the heck am I doing with my life?

Now, the Metra is finding that she wishing she had better heuristic devices for dealing with said question. Discernment might have to be a foreign word to adopt into the vocabulary – like theois, or Eucharist, or sanctuary.

So why isn’t discernment a strong part of the Southern Restoration Movement heritage? Part of it probably the anti-intellectualism you get in CofC land. Discernment is just a fancy word with too many syllables. The Christian Chronicle has a rather nifty and informative little article up on the history of the Harding Graduate School of Religion. It touches several times of this anti-intellectualism. Even someone from my generation has probably heard the crack that Harding is where you go to graduate from religion. This attitude goes hand in hand with the notion that the Bible is sufficient for its own interpretation, and the sneaky notion that there is only one correct interpretation of the meaning of scripture which will be blatantly obvious to all people irregardless of gender, socio-economic status, race, sexual orientation, etc.

(At the point in time, a quip repeated by Deryn Guest in When Deborah Met Jael comes to mind. If the audience of the verse: “You shall not lie with a man as with a woman” is a lesbian woman, the answer is a hearty “well, of course!” At this point in time, I ask – how are we defining man and woman in this context? The social location of the person reading the text – it’s quite important.)

You can guess where I fall on the question. Firmly on the side of being an overly intellectual smart-ass.

But I think the absence of an idea of a process of discernment is also an effect of the CofC’s take on the priesthood of all [male] believers. For a long time, the idea of having a minister paid by the congregation was heresy. A preacher should have a job on the side to support himself (and his family). This is less en vogue today, but there’s still this assumption that every boy in the congregation should aspire to hold a church office. More likely the pressure is to aspire to be a deacon or an elder – the notion that God might call certain people to these positions and not others appears to be non-existent. (The notion that God might not be calling all persons in possession of an uterus to marriage and children is even more non-existent.) There is, however, a lot of effort put into training all the little boys for their roles in public worship. The attitude might be well described as: of course, God is calling you to lead the church, why would you need to discern that?

Of course, I’m not at all convinced that the Divine works like that. Nor am I convinced that view of the Church is Biblical, if we’re placing a great deal of emphasis on that element.

And, now, I’m off to continue looking for a good heuristic device to make off with. Lock up the techniques of discernment, my friends, Metra is breaking out the hunter's camo!

Embodiment, bodies, resurrections, all that fun stuff.

2008-05-22T12:54:00.002-05:00

If you're looking for something thought provoking to read, you should check out this article on debates over the practice of cremation in Judaism. It raises a number of questions about the psychological benefits of funerals, the problems with modern burial practices, and the ecological impacts thereof.

And all the Whos of Whoville

2008-05-19T10:48:00.002-05:00

Go read this article: "Horton Hears a Religious Left."

And I agree, what's up with this misinformation that the Founding Fathers were all about the "sanctity of life" and "preserving marriage?" I can buy the interested in religious freedom bit -- but for some reason, I suspect that the FFs had a somewhat different conception -- if indeed, we can even treat the FFs as a monolith who all agreed with each other. (p.3)

Deus Ex Machina makes for Cool Special Effects

2008-05-18T22:32:00.003-05:00

I dragged the siblings out to see Prince Caspian on Friday.

I should note that I don't remember much of anything from the novel. I didn't bother going to see The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. But Eddie Izzard is the voice of Reepicheep -- who is basically the only character I remember from the novel. So, yes! (And if Eddie Izzard is involved, the fundies can't be too involved.)

After I got the bits of my mind that are familiar with post-colonial theory and feminist theory to shut up, I enjoyed the film quite a bit. The special effects were superb. The casting and the acting were both quite good, and I was just jonesing for some sword and sorcery action, of which there was plenty, convincing shot while still managing to avoid extreme gore. (I was impressed with how the violence was handled -- it didn't feel like a PG rated movie at all.)

That said -- you could tell that Mr. Lewis was a citizen of an empire. The Narnians (all magical creatures) need human leaders -- because apparently, Narnia has never been right except when sons of Adam and daughters of Eve are in charge of things. Uh-huh . . . yeah. This is not a movie about Narnia gaining independence -- this is a movie about Narnia fighting to have an benevolent dictator ruling over them.

Trumpkin the dwarf was a delight in the film. He's cynical and sarcastic. He raises the difficult theological and ethical questions of the film. (Unfortunately, the film chooses not to deal with these questions.) He questions the existence of Aslan, asking where he has been and why he hadn't come to the aid of the Narnians before now. He calls out the pretensions of the Pevensie siblings. One of the best lines in the movie is when he overhears Lucy refer to him as the DLF (dear little friend), stops short and yells back, "Don't you think that's a bit patronizing." He and Lucy do form a true friendship in the course of the growth of both characters. Unfortunately, his resolution with Aslan doesn't share the same charming sense of mutuality. He reluctantly kneels, and Aslan roars establishing his dominance.

I'm also a bit hesitant to award the film firm feminist credentials. Lucy is goodness itself -- the eternal feminine. She's charming, but ultimately well on her way to climbing up on the pedestal of the cult of true womanhood. There's no edge to her, no bite, no kick. She's no Lyra Belacqua (of the excellent novels, not the travesty of a film).

Susan's portrayal is even more disturbing from a feminist angle. Certainly, the girl can kick some ass and demonstrates as much courage as her brothers. I can even justify the scene where Caspian rides in and rescues her from Telmarine soldiers (the odds of her winning that fight on her own where none). However, as best I can tell, the lesson Susan needed to learn from Narnia is nothing more than anti-feminist backlash.

The film opens with Susan shutting down (rudely, yes) a boy who is trying (badly) to ask her out. He comments that Susan is a bit of loner. Over the course of the time in Narnia, Susan begins crushing on Caspian, kissing him before being returned to our world. Aslan comments that she and Peter have learned what they needed to in Narnia. And in Susan's case, this lesson is, apparently, that she does need a boy in her life -- or in the terms of religious fundamentalism, she comes to terms with complementarianism. Returning to London, she gives the boy she blew off a smile.

Oh, please . . . and Philip Pullman has pointed out, Susan is later excluded from Narnia because she's too interested in boys. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Poor girl.

So, in sum, go to see Prince Caspian because it's got cool special effects, well-written dialogue, sword and sorcery goodness, and Eddie Izzard. But beware the subtext.

Continuing Commentary on Mary Winkler

2008-05-16T23:56:00.004-05:00

...from your friendly neighborhood Restoration Movement feminist guerrilla.

In latest news, the custody battle for the girls continues. I've said before that I'm not certain what would be best for the girls. There needs to be substantial proof that Ms. Winkler's mental health has stabilized before full custody for her should be considered, and I haven't heard anything that isn't a rumor to suggest that the girls aren't being well cared for by their grandparents. (I do think that visitation rights for Ms. Winkler are in order at this time and am delighted to here that she's been visiting with her daughters.) In any case, my sympathy is first and foremost with the girls.

That's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about how Ms. Winkler has been subtly condemned by the media. Case in point, today's article from the Commercial Appeal.

The first paragraph identifies Ms. Winkler as "the woman convicted of killing her preacher husband" (emphasis mine). Now, in the area in which the CA circulates, identifying Matthew Winkler as a preacher is automatically going to build up sympathy for him. The fact that Ms. Winkler was only convicted of voluntary manslaughter because she was able provide sufficient evidence to back her witness that Matthew Winkler was abusive is not mentioned until the third paragraph. The order in which the information is presented is a subtle sign that the media has condemned Ms. Winkler and privileges the image of the "preacher husband" over her testimony.

Yes. I find it a bit problematic.

So I'm a bit late...

2008-05-16T00:10:00.003-05:00

but can we get a AMEN!

California Supreme Court Affirms Equal Marriage Rights for Gays and Lesbians!

Good news -- I like it!

I is bored

2008-05-12T19:19:00.003-05:00

so I steal meme from enGender

A couple of recent memes:

What is your favorite word? koneshno
What is your least favorite word? hush
What turns you on? hmm...
What turns you off? theological fellatio
What is your favorite curse word? currently, k cherty, which is a fairly mild russian curse
What sound or noise do you love? rain on a tin roof
What sound or noise do you hate? crickets
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? film director
What profession would you not like to attempt? business
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? rock on

and

If you get something out of a vending machine, it’s most likely the: highly caffeinated citrus soda
A word you sometimes catch yourself misspelling: secede -- yes, I'm a sorry excuse for a southerner
You least want people to see you as: normal
You’re a little scared of: walking alone
The least attractive thing you do in your sleep: drool
The number of contacts in your cell phone: i haven't the foggiest
How many of them are relatives: relatively few
You lose your cool when someone: paraphrases Bill O'Reilly
When you go to the drugstore, you often can’t leave without buying: chocolate
Your dance moves can best be described as: sugar high or drunk
The majority of your underwear is: hipster cut
Something you eat even though you hate how bad it is for you: soda pop, soda pop
You think you’re really not a great: artist
How much cash is in your wallet right now: eighty something
The majority of your shoes are this color: hmm...black
You don’t think you’ll ever be able to get rid of your: book-collecting habit
If your breath is bad, it’s most likely because you had the: soda pop
You feel embarrassed when you: completely mispronounce words
The last public place where you used the restroom: EV Lodge
Something you don’t like to debate in mixed company: you know, I'll pretty much debate anything anywhere
You don’t think you can pull off wearing: short skirts
Something you own entirely too much of: books? no, there can not be too many books
Someone you would love to see in concert who might bring down your street cred: umm...Depeche Mode
The last thing that you spilled on yourself: soy sauce
If you were on a reality show, the producers would likely portray/characterize you as the: I'd say holy fool, but that might be a delusion of grandeur -- um, the screwball intelligent

When I Get to the Bottom, I Go Back to the Top...

2008-05-07T23:03:00.002-05:00

So, I now have, hanging in my closet, graduation regalia. (Including the snap in white collar for the girls that I will not be wearing, as I shall graduate in dress pants and a button-down.)

Holy crap...I'm actually graduating.

I'm graduating. I'm moving across the country to Berkeley, CA -- a place I have never been. But I hear it's warm. I'm moving to California without a car -- not that I could afford it. I'm playing the monastic game and getting rid of things -- or trying to do so. I seem to be bad at the monastic game.

Yeah, it's just now sinking in. Meep. And that I will be on a very long sojourn from Memphis, if indeed I ever return. And I like Memphis, or at least "the forbidden zone."

Making friends with Craigslist. Need a room in an apartment and then a job. Maybe clerical at a nonprofit office -- that could be a good job, if I could snag it.

Theologizing in Exile

2008-04-27T12:30:00.003-05:00

Deryn Guest discusses the concept of being in exile from one's spiritual home in When Deborah Met Jael. It's a good concept, and one that I think fits my experience with Christianity better than some of the metaphors I've thrown around.

I'm an exile from CofCdom. I could not remain a part of the CofC out of fear for my soul, yet I find if difficult act like the rest of America and ignore the CofC's existence, find some other spiritual home, and get on with life.

I feel pressured at times to simply be silent about the degree of hurt I feel from the CofC. I feel as though I am supposed to just get out and stay out, and never speak to the damage done by their exclusionary practices -- of being shown each Sunday that I was unworthy of distributing the Eucharist (okay, they didn't use the word Eucharist), unworthy of speaking to God publicly, unworthy of sharing my thoughts with the congregation. I have been sexualized in unwelcome ways by being told that if, as a girl, I was allowed to formally debate the boys, then I "might dress provocatively in order to distract them." (Ha!) My right to existence has been constructed as entirely contingent on entering into a patriarchal marriage, and my sanity and the existence of a heart have been questioned because I had no interest in doing so. I have mocked by peers and teachers for being nothing more than young, immature, and anger -- all of which might be true, but none of which should result in open disregard and mockery. CofCdom -- at least, the Tennessee version -- is hostile to my sense of myself and not above using spiritual violence to try to break down and reform my sense of self. I have felt abandoned by God, created only to be an anathema and scapegoat. And yet, I'm supposed to not take it personally, get over it, and move on. Forget, forget, forget -- and definitely don't talk about.

I do not mean to suggest that my injuries are cases of extreme spiritual violence. They is far worse done on a daily basis. I acknowledge that the majority of the people who have hurt me and attacked my person never intended to do so, and yet, this doesn't change the fact that violence was done. Violence of a more systematic than individual nature, but violence did happen. If I repress that, how am I supposed to move past it in any real way? And if I remain silent, how many more of my siblings will be injured by the unjust structures that govern CofCdom?

Despite all this, I have a sense of loyalty to CofCdom. I have been shaped by indelible ways by Restoration Movement thought. I'm an exile, an expat. I left my home behind, and I despair of ever being able to return, but still something in me continues to hope. To hope that the regimes and structures of CofCdom will change, and it will be a space that doesn't do violence to my person.

Are You Going to be a Missionary?

2008-04-24T17:06:00.002-05:00

I was just chatting last night about how a lot of people from the church I was raised in assumed that since I'm (was? -- oh god, just finished the last undergrad class!) double majoring in Russian Studies and Religious Studies that I'm going to go out and convert the heathen masses of Russia.

Yeah, I don't want to make Putin that mad. (And there's that whole opinion I have that Orthodoxy, while not perfect, is far superior to the Evangelical groups who tend to be running missions in Russia.)

There are huge problems with the way that the Orthodox Church in Russia has been caught up in a nationalist movement. There are issues of freedom of religion. (However, we Americans should be careful to not read our experiences with certain religion dominating government policy into the situation with Russia.) Obviously, Orthodox bishops dubbing Protestants "Christ-killers" is a problem. But the article would have you believe that the Russian Orthodox are all hateful barbarians and that the Protestants are squeaky-clean.

I really feel like this article didn't do justice to the colonizing element of Protestant missions in Russia. Many people involved with these missions seem to not even recognize Orthodoxy as Christianity. I have heard comments that dehumanize and defame Russians. (Most famously: "They just don't know how to love each other.") It's difficult to sort these colonial attitudes out from some genuinely good impulses that are also present in mission work, but the colonial attitude can't be ignored. That is -- the poor, persecuted Protestants aren't necessarily as innocent as this article would have you believe.

Scary, but charismatic...

2008-04-21T02:19:00.002-05:00

So, I'm a bit behind times, but have you seen this video of Putin's latest take down of Bush?

Not that I'm interested in having Russian style democracy in the U.S. (Although, with the Real ID, that lovely document carrying at all times portion of the Russian experience might be coming to a state near you!), but stuff like this is why I just can't bring myself to completely dislike Putin. He's got guts. He's intelligent. Witty. And he calls Bush for what he is to his face.

Oh, and yes -- if push comes to shove, I'd rather be living under a Russian style democracy than the mess that's passing under that name in Iraq right now. I think the survival rates in Russia are a bit better for the average person on the street.

Wherein Metra's Butt is Kicked by the Last Semester of Undergrad

2008-04-15T22:22:00.003-05:00

Yes . . . as in, I think this has been my most difficult semester despite having the lightest course load to date.

That and the whole questioning of what I want to do with my future thing. (Granted, if I don't receive any financial aid that decision could become easier in the short term as I try to weld my way into the camo boys' club.) I've been admitted an M.A. program with a specialization in Orthodox Christian Studies and I've had an awkward conversation with the director about how I'm not o/Orthodox. (His response: "But your name is Demetria.") Unfortunately, my mind has spun into overdrive and is now convinced that I can't possibly survive moving across the country, and then throwing in doubts that I'll be able to fit in with the program -- what with that whole extremely heterodox thing. I then remind it that I would be in Berkeley, CA -- I will be able to find many places in which I can be heterodox to my heart's content -- but it doesn't listen. The option is a general MTS program in Atlanta, which will have very few opportunities to work on Orthodoxy but lots of opportunities for queer theology, general iconography/metaphor/imagery, and Buddhism of the Tibetan variety. Atlanta also has the drawback of not really getting me out of the South. Somewhat soothed by the possibility of working summers with an absolutely amazing youth program. And neither program has gotten back to me with scholarship/financial info.

I have discovered that schools favor M.Div. students and show little love to the M.A./M.T.S. students. 'Tis frustrating.

In the course of doing some quick searching for the current paper, I have also learned -- according to Harding University -- ponytails on men are an "extreme" hairstyle. Yes. Special, no? That and gays and lesbians seem to be completely invisible at CofC schools -- although, to give credit where it might be due, Harding's sexual harassment policy seems to be phrased in a way would protect GLBT students from being harassed because of their identity. I can't be certain thats the purpose, but if it is -- it's an admirable action on the part of a University, regardless of any other policies they have.

Du-buh?

2008-03-23T00:13:00.001-06:00

Questions that have run through my mind recently:

Just what is Bill O'Reilly referring to when the words "the far left" leave his mouth? Does he realize that the "far" left actually isn't that excited about Barack Obama? I suspect the far left is too terrifying for the BOR to even imagine.

Disregarding other things Rev. Wright may have said (my gut feeling is that, for the most part, he's being unfairly taken out of context), how on earth is the statement, "America is run by rich, white people," incendiary? It just seems to be factual. Angry, yes. Offensive, no.

Why is this book in existence? Seriously, I kinda want to get my hands on it for laughs. I love the scrambling to shore up the hegemony of representation. And my two cents on the matter: Eastern Orthodoxy is very much Christian.

Why does much of Christianity purport to conform to Chalcedon and yet completely ignore the FULL HUMANITY of Jesus Christ?

How did I manage to miss the word theosis until today? How sad for me. Much easier to say than bogochelovechstvo.

How can it be so difficult to find a picture of two broken pots on the interwebs?

Now leaving my brainspace...

On another note -- to anyone and everyone celebrating the Resurrection today -- Happy Easter!

Pipe dreams of the Kingdom of the God

2008-03-22T19:39:00.003-06:00

Check out this article from Alternet on the New Atheists.

I've only read a few pages of Sam Harris, but something struck me -- just within those few pages as he denigrated the idea of nonviolence and the work of Gandhi -- that something was very wrong with his argument. The more I heard arguments borrowed from Harris and company, the more it appeared that something was very wrong. Something was very wrong in the way the authors were defining religion, and something else was wrong there, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

I think this article gets at a lot of what I was feeling to be wrong with Harris's arguments. And has some good points on its own. My one caveat is that I'm not certain the degree to which I want to endorse the rejection of the idea of progressing towards a better future. There's plenty of reason to be skeptical about the idea (as any Russian Studies major can tell you). I'm more inclined to caution against thinking that progress as a society is inevitable -- it must be worked for and carefully guarded through vigilance -- and to firmly reject any utopian ideas that deny the value (and the rights) of the individual. Further, it is an imperative to understand that movement (forwards, backwards, or sideways) creates a shift in perspective, which changes the very vision of the end, the utopia, the kingdom of God. One can have a sense of what utopia should be -- a construction, if you will -- which allows one to analyze and critique the present, but one must not confuse that construction with reality.

testing something...

2008-03-22T15:21:00.001-06:00

Notes on the Wacky Weather

2008-03-07T15:19:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, my toes experienced a brief and beautiful liberation as I broke out my Jesus sandals.

Today, it's snowing. And not just spitting. Snowing. No acclumulation on the streets yet, but the yard areas on campus are covered nicely.

I got up this morning, kicked around for an hour, and next thing I know the kids in the high school across the street are leaving, and I'm thinking -- oh, crap, did I oversleep? No, nope. Memphis is just getting some snow tonight.

Fun times.

Do Conservatives Need Safe Spaces?

2008-03-03T23:20:00.001-06:00

Yes, it's a joke. (Has momentary daydream of a guerrilla movement, then simultaneously reminds herself that she's ideologically a pacifist and looks forward to the arrival of Les Guerilleres.)

Angry id -- back in the closet! Angry not-id -- front and center!

Wait! What? Would someone please tell me when the last time a conservative was assaulted or murdered for being a conservative? When was the last time someone was harassed to the point of committing suicide because he was a conservative?

However, the anti V-day campaign doesn't seem to be a joke. I'm not the biggest proponent of the Vagina Monologues that you'll ever meet. I'm too inclined to wanting to completely dissolve the coherence of the categories of man and woman. There are several monologues in the play that I don't personally identify with, and at least one that actually makes me feel queasy. If someone asked me what my vagina would wear, I would likely look at them askance, explain the difficulties of designing clothing for vaginas, and finish up with murmuring something about how weirded out I am by female condoms (note: I'm no more opposed to female condoms than I am to tampons, but both weird me out for reasons unknown to my conscious mind). And I'm not head over heels in love with the treatment of gender in the play. I'm extremely sad that this year's performance at Rhodes was not inclusive of transwomen (it has been at least once in the past.)

However, I heartily support the main idea -- THERE IS NOTHING SHAMEFUL ABOUT BEING EMBODIED WITH A VAGINA. Oh, and you get to decide upon the meaning and value of that vagina and the rest of your body for yourself.

Madness, ain't it? It could even be hysterical! But least I be told that I am missing something -- here's a closer analysis of the brochure, The Vagina Monologues: Exposed!

Violence against Cupid?

In their effort to redefine a day meant to celebrate love and romance, Ensler and her “Vagina Warriors” proclaimed Valentine’s Day as “V-Day” until the violence against women stops, and then it will become “Victory Day” (Ensler 173). So long, Cupid. (page 13)

OMG! They killed Cupid! Because it's so terribly empowering to have bad chocolates (or maybe good chocolates) showered upon one. Terribly empowering to have a day dedicated to social pressure to mate and then reproduce. Actually, I'm detecting a capitalist/consumerist concern here. We have to have this excuse to consume, consume, consume -- and yes, it's just a subtext but I do believe that it's here.

Do the Vagina Monologues Objectify Women?

It perpetuates the very attitude that often leads to sexual violence: treating women as objects. (page 24)

Dear person writing this brochure -- are you familiar with the use of subject and object? Defining myself, defining the meaning of my own body rather than letting society dictate that meaning to me is being a subject. Do the Monologues threaten at times to create a new hegemonic "we" of women's experience? In some ways -- yes -- but the format of the play -- a diverse collection of voices, offering a multiplicity of ways of relating to vaginas -- is itself in tension with that possibility. The Vagina Monologues are about allowing women to be the subjects of their own sexuality. It's when the meaning of vagina possession is imposed from without that we have objectification.

But in reality, that's the problem that this organization has with the Monologues -- it's a bunch of women defining their own sexuality, and god knows, god's agin' that! Really, while the difference in age between the participants in "The Little Coochie Snoocher that Could" is waved a banner for why the Monologues are evil -- the real problem seems to be with the idea that women can be sexually fulfilled without men. Separate from the more legitimate critique of the age difference we get this gem:

The girl also reveals her seducer’s ultimate lesson. “She tells me to always know how to give myself pleasure so I’ll never need to rely on a man” (Ensler 82).
(page 11)

Given that this is used as punctuation for that segment, it seems that the composer of this brochure is more concerned that women might not be relying on men more of a problem than a possibly exploitative situation. The professed concern for the sixteen year old girl is just a smokescreen. Of course, conservatives do tend to let their anxieties about maintaining the normalcy of man-on-top-woman-on-bottom sexuality override any concern for the exploitation of women's bodies (please, see anti-gay interpretations of Sodom and Gomorrah).

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering -- it appears that any expression of sexuality other than penis in vagina is perverted. Including Bob's love of looking at vaginas.

(Found the actual organization via Feministing. Encountered the logic in a editorial in the student paper at my college last year, was hoping against hope that it was an independent operative.)

Living Dead Girl

2008-02-27T15:29:00.004-06:00

I have a copy of the Life of Saint Andrew the Holy Fool in English! *happy dance* And more reasons to love Memphis's Orthodox community!

First, zombie maidens! This alone is knocking the Life of Saint Andrew into the category of one of the best things I have read recently.

Second, I'm getting the feeling that the Byzantine Christians were not in love with their Ethiopian brethren. Betting on a conflict of hierarchies. And wikipedia is indicating a heresy of semantics -- well, okay, whether Christ had a human nature and a divine nature, or one unified human and divine nature, might be a little more than semantics.

Third, reading this saint's life in conjunction with Theodore Jennings, The Man Jesus Loved, is produces some interesting directions in interpretations. *grins devilishly*

Nothing New Under the Sun

2008-02-24T13:40:00.000-06:00

It always frustrated me when I was little that their weren't character with my name, or anything akin to it, in stories. My little sister had a picture book -- Bread and Jam for Frances. Andrew is a very common name -- and in my house, if you had a name from a Biblical narrative you were set. Try finding Demetria in a children's story book. (Or on name bracelets.) I remember being very excited when the movie Anastasia came out. Dmitri is close enough. And yes, in a class discussing The Brothers Karamazov, I did jump every time the name Dmitri was mentioned.

The point being -- I feel like I've always had some trouble finding myself in the narratives I was handed. Trouble that extended beyond just having a strange name. Tomboyish, hard-headed Laura Ingalls (of the books, I've never seen the TV show) was close between second and fifth grade. But the narratives that I was supposed to be using for models (i.e. Bible narratives), I was having a bit of trouble with those. I loved the story of David and Goliath, but I wasn't supposed to identify with David, or Peter (I have soft spots for characters who continually open their mouths and see just how far they can jam their feet down their throat). Frankly, I'm not sure who I was supposed to be identifying with -- let's face it, you've got to do a bit of looking to find strong female characters, and they were emphasizing that Mary of Bethany repented, not that she was blatantly transgressing gender roles by sitting with the men instead of helping in the kitchen -- oh, and this chick has an attitude and didn't seem shy of taking J.C. to task over letting Lazarus die. (Let's not count how many Marys I just conflated into one.) There is a reason why Martha has a place in the patriarchy described in The Handmaid's Tale, while sister Mary has been forgotten.

I've been thinking on narrative, folklore, and story-telling for some time now. Early Christian hagiography has become my pet subject. "Weirdos", of course, transvestite and transgendered saints last round -- holy fools this time around. (Incidentally, it's easier to dig up English translations of the lives of holy transvestites than it is to dig up english translations of lives of holy fools.)

It's hardly an original point, but storytelling really is inseparable from how we construct, or make some sense out of, ourselves. And without a narrative -- a metaphor for yourself, a name that other people recognize -- it's difficult to feel confident and solid in who you are. Reading the life of Mary of Egypt, and hearing her praised as worthy and good, was like a license to just be who I am. Rereading the material surrounding Mary of Bethany and finding her transgression and her contrary attitude accepted, and even lauded -- where was this when I was little?

Hiding underneath the dominant narrative. The narrative that said if you have a uterus, shut up and save thyself through childbearing and submission to your husband. The idea that there is one script. Or two scripts, rather. Take the one we assigned you, and that'll be that.

But somehow, and I feel that this is the miracle of miracles, the dominant narratives never quite manage to completely crush and completely hide the other narratives. They're there, waiting for someone who needs them enough to go and to look for them and to befriend them and if necessary to fight for them.

I got Witnessed in Peter.

2008-02-23T16:10:00.000-06:00

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

Dear Fellow Students,

2008-02-21T10:46:00.001-06:00

Please justify a review of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition in
this week's student paper. No, establishing a patriotic tone by
celebrating that the USA has the hottest chicks won't cut it.

Thanks,

Metra

Turn off your mind, Metra.

2008-02-21T09:06:00.002-06:00

Over the past couple months, I've been getting distracted by forms and things misusing the term gender. For instance, financial aid application forms -- gender: male or female. These little blood alcohol content chart card things -- gender: male or female. Seriously, I don't know how socialization really affects how quickly my blood alcohol content rises with each drink? Socialization affectly my alcohol tolerance, okay -- that one I would understand. But BAC?

No, you mean sex. It's not that difficult of a concept. Get it right already.

One of these days, I will learn to simply stop paying attention.

Can I get a ticket outta here?

2008-02-15T08:29:00.002-06:00

Not Memphis -- Midtown and I get along just fine. I continue to fear and loath Nashville. And seriously, I want the hell out of Tennessee.

Like, now. Like, five months from now ain't soon enough. Like, I seriously want Midtown Memphis to secede from the rest of the state, citing irreconcilable differences.

As reported by feministe and feministing, Tennessee State Senator Doug Henry thinks that rape just really isn't what it used to be:

"Rape, ladies and gentleman, is not today what rape was. Rape, when I was
learning these things, was the violation of a chaste woman, against her will, by
some party not her spouse. Today it's simply, 'Let's don't go forward with
this act.'"

Wait -- what?
What? You, sir, are a misogynistic creep. No, creep is not strong enough for what you are. I don't know if we have a word strong enough for what you are.

*begin the Southern Belle accent* Oh, I'm sorry, ignore that bit above. I keep having these strange delusions that I'm a actual individual person with some sovereignty over my body. Silly me! I don't have spouse, so I guess I'm just fair game until it's established which manly man owns me. Maybe I should start looking into getting that lobotomy. *end the Southern Belle accent*

Yeah. Right.

(P.S. I misspelled "secede" the first time around. This makes me a bad southerner. That makes me grin today.)

Ooo...can I be a part of this agenda too?

2008-02-14T08:44:00.005-06:00

Given my last paper was titled originally Origen and the Angry Inch, and then retitled Breaking Both the Vessels: Narrating the GenderQueer Kingdom of God, I think I'm already there.

Via Peterson Toscano (who will be in Memphis this month!), Christianity Today's take on the "Transgender Movement."

This article demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of gender identity, overlooks transgendered persons who do not feel the need for SRS, as well as genderqueer persons, gender outlaws, and any other persons floating about in the gender spectrum.

Further, anyone who is paying any attention at all when they read the Bible should be able to pick a cue here and there that gender is constructed in different ways in different times and places. Elements of gender queering remain in the New Testament -- eunuchs for the kingdom of God anyone -- even if J.C. didn't mean that statement literally, the implication of saying that in a society which considered eunuchs to be walking the line in between women and men, is certainly a striking idea. Mary of Bethany is praised for ignoring her traditional womanly gender role and taking up a studious masculine gender identity. Early church hagiography is rift with gender bending saints. The early church didn't seem to have much of a problem with "glorifying wierdos." And this is only what made it past the canon redactors.

Do a bit of digging and a lot of other stuff pops up! Joseph's "technicolor dream coat" -- yeah, the only other time that Hebrew word is used in the Bible -- it refers to the garment worn by the virgin daughters of King David.

Suggested Reading:

She's Not the Man I Married, Helen Boyd, of (en)gender -- I'm only about halfway through, but this is both clear and nuanced introduction transgenderness.
Homoerotic Narrative in Hebrew Bible, Theodore W. Jennings, Jr.
The Manly Eunuch, Matthew Kuefler
Love Between Women: Early Christian Responses to Female Homoeroticism, Bernadette Brooten

RadHumor

2008-02-12T16:52:00.000-06:00

Radical feminist I may not be, but damned if they don't have an amusing since of humor.

Today's exhibit: Mary Daly's Website.

Update on Columbia Mosque Arson

2008-02-11T13:38:00.000-06:00

Three people ranging in age from 19-32 have been arrested.

Also, this article contains responses from a couple of area churches. I'm glad to see churches calling for respect for all religions. Unfortunately, the comments at the end of the article are reviving my desire to leave Tennessee and never look back.

Home Grown Terrorism

2008-02-10T16:14:00.000-06:00

The neo-nazis in Maury County burned the Islamic Center in Columbia, TN to the ground. Thank the Divine in all the forms and faces that no one was injured.

It's a hate crime, which means the FBI is involved and hopefully the good ol' boys won't be able to sweep this under the rug if they were so inclined. I hope they catch the bastards and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law. Those bastards are terrorists.

They intended to spread fear through the Muslim residents and citizens of Maury County, Tennessee, and the United States of America. They intended to reassert their sense of being powerful and being able to oppress others. To violently assert their mistaken sense of superiority and self-righteousness. To communicate what they would like to do to every person who doesn't share their skin color, religion, etc.

This is the result of the anti-Islamic rhetoric that has taken over the Republican party. This is the result of people who believe the lies that the television is feeding about Islam -- usually, without ever having met a single Muslim individual. That mindset allows the hatred and the misunderstanding to grow, until it does become violent. Words can and do support terrorism, and every slur against Islam, every misrepresentation of Islamic culture does just that. It supports and undergirds the mentality that leads people to do things like this.

I expect to see and hear a number of arguments that this doesn't reflect the actual attitudes of people in Maury County, and on a certain level it doesn't -- most of them wouldn't actually go out and commit a violent crime. However, the people of Maury County, the people of Tennessee, and the people of the United States as a whole, have to realize that incidents like these don't form ex nihilo in the mind of a racist redneck one night. They grow out of, and are supported and informed by, a cultural context and a cultural rhetoric, and when something like this happens, it's time to take a look at the social constructs that fostered and gave birth to it.

The rhetoric of hatred is a problem anywhere it is found.

Wrong number

2008-02-08T10:06:00.000-06:00

File under things I do not have the power to do, number 100 and something.

No, I can't reinstate your driver's license.

I love my job. I get the best questions.

Dangerous Question...

2008-02-01T10:04:00.000-06:00

At least for someone whose head has been and is infested with a rather Gnostic sense of reality. (And Gnostics and Manicheans are difficult to kick out of your head, which is why Western Christianity is infested with everything dysfunctional about Manicheanism, with none of the more interesting insights -- thank you, Augustine!)

"Are bodies and sexuality essential parts of being human--or are we, perhaps, merely souls inhabiting bodies?"

So that's this week's topic for the reading response journal thing we have for Feminist Theology. It's also one of my personal, philosophical hang-ups. The issue of embodiment. What does it mean to be embodied? Why am I embodied in the body I'm in? Why do people confuse the body I'm in with me? (Yes, I'm still mad that I'm barred from many monasteries.)

Incidentally, the accompanying reading is Dawne Moon's God, Sex, and Politics -- which is a fascinating and though-provoking study of two United Methodist Churches and their responses to gays and lesbians.

In related news -- sky burial is more awesome than I had previously thought.

This is what a Post-Feminist looks like

2008-01-28T22:58:00.000-06:00

I think I'm disillusioned with feminism.

No, not in that way. Patriarchy is bad. Sledge hammers should be taken to it with gusto, preferably on a frequent basis. Castrate the idols, already!

Here's the sit.

I'm currently in a redux of Feminist Theology. Which means I'm reading roughly the same texts as I was two years ago when the class had a different number and was taught by a different professor. In some cases, the texts are just as delightful the second time around as they were the first. (Ada Maria Isasai-Diaz's Mujerista Theology remains highly recommended.) But coming back to intro-level Feminist discussions after having read Judith Butler is somewhat painful. (We're talking very intro-level here. Rhodents can apparently make it to their junior or senior year, not know the first thing about feminism, and be "concerned" about taking a feminist theology class.)

For instance, during a class discussion of creating feminist religious rituals to embrace womanhood and womanliness, I was sitting in the back corner of the room (in a gray vest and a matching gray fedora of gloriousness!) twitching a bit, and wanting to throw out the question -- does it really do any good to create feminist rituals, if the only thing you are accomplishing is reinforcing the boundaries between the constructed categories of gender? Couldn't this just be adding to the problem and continuing to force individuals into categories that are not based in their experience and so not adequately describe them? Does this lead to liberation?

I did not do this. I felt it would be rude (this was a student led discussion). Also, it would have been completely unproductive. I might have managed to engage three people out of the class of 25 or so. The rest would have been staring at me, thinking, "constructed categories of gender, buh?"

See, I wouldn't mind reading texts that I find to be outdated and essentialize the idea of some essential (non-biological) difference between the sexes, if I felt I could actually pull off getting a discussion going about possible critiques and so on and so forth. But I'm in a class that may very well suggest that Womanist and Mujerista theologies are excluding (silencing might even make an appearance, who knows?) white women. I mean, the class did decide that a feminist rereading of Genesis 2-3 was too anti-male in tone. (The exegete, Phyllis Trible, was using narrative theory and analyzing the characterization of Adam and Eve. She argued that the narrative presents Eve as far more curious than Adam, who's far more passive in the text. At no point did she suggest that this was a reflection on the male portion of the population -- her point was that traditional readings have not paid attention to the actual narrative, because they were too busy reading in the patriarchy.)

Murr.

So, I have both an example of why feminism remains a necessary movement, and an example of why I may well be post feminist at this point.

Or not.

Darned categories. If I had a hammer, I'd smash the categories. And then the patriarchy would fall into the abyss.

You Wanna Hear About My New Obsession

2008-01-26T23:59:00.000-06:00

If I weren't already fairly convinced that Garbage was the love-child of Depeche Mode and one Seattle grunge band or another . . . this video would have convinced me.

Please, compare with the video for "Walking in My Shoes."

Bad Language! Bad, bad language!

2008-01-26T16:12:00.000-06:00

No cookie for you, English.

Holy Fools. Fools for Christ. Holy Foolishness. Etc. Etc. and so on and so forth.

You see, I would presume, how these are not good terms. Especially for net and database searches. What with different people using different versions and making up their own and making me sad.

Russian has a nice, concise word for this amorphous-in-English concept: юродство / yurodstvo.

This proves (at least until I change my mind) that Russian is a superior language.

Shame on you, English.

And, I have reminded myself why I don't like donut holes. Oh, well, college campus -- they shan't go to waste!

How do I get out of this one?

2008-01-26T14:32:00.001-06:00

I know! I'll use a plot device!

This Dominic Deegan strip makes me smile. I should probably print it out and hang it over my desk.

If, that is, it looks as though I will ever have time to write another word of fiction again.

I wonder if the Religious Studies department has ever had a major turn their senior paper into performance art before. But there are so many possibilities for a project on Holy Fools, and such a frustrating lack of blindingly obvious scholarly resources on the Internet.

Who knows -- should the insomnia keep up, performance art of a follyful persuasive might cease to be optional.

More on Buses

2008-01-24T22:09:00.000-06:00

Saint Petersburg is a much safer city than Memphis.

Sure, Peter is not a perfectly safe city. But, it is much safer. I noticed that. One of my Russian professors fields phone calls from concerned parents by telling them that if their kid has navigated Memphis thus far, they'll be perfectly fine in Peter. (Granted, the extent to which Rhodents navigate Memphis is limited -- Bubble!)

I'm sure there are a number of factors involved in that distinction. Many of which wouldn't be noticeable to the untrained casual observer, wandering through the city while barely speaking the language. But there was one obvious one.

There's a lot of people in them there streets. And yeah, that whole safety in numbers things -- even if you're technically alone -- there's something to it.

Virtually everyone in Peter uses some form of public transportation, be it the bus, the metro, the marshutkas. And foot power for shorter trips, or the trip to the bus stop or metro station.

Walking home along at night is far less frightening if you are constantly passing people on the sidewalks. I do think that people's fear of being out in Memphis is 95% completely irrational. (I have had roommates who freak out from going to a thrift store on Summer Avenue -- IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!) But also think that interesting the number of people out walking and using public transportation, would do a lot to make the city feel safer, at the very least, and I highly suspect that it would make the city safer in fact.

So, perhaps encouraging people to use public transportation (start with offering a monthly pass, work on more convenient routes), would not just make Memphis a more eco-friendly city, but a safer city.

Drawing and Quartering Christ

2008-01-17T14:15:00.000-06:00

The American Restoration Movement. Produced the Disciples of Christ, the Churches of Christ, the International Churches of Christ, and probably a number of other "creatively" named regional variants.

Mission: Unity amongst Christians. Yes, that was the mission. Then history happened and down south in CofC land things got rather grim and self-righteous. And today the majority of CofC churches and schools could use a squirrel or two set loose in the building.

Out of the surprisely numerous CofC groups to be found on Facebook, at least two have prominently displayed in their descriptions: "We are in NO WAY affiliated with the denomination known as the United Churches of Christ."

That makes me rather sad. And not just because the only way I see myself ever belonging to another Church of Christ is if it happens to have "United" stuck in front of it.

The idea of the Restoration Movement was UNITY. And God knows I don't want to see the CofC running exactly as it ran in the mid 1800s, but for Pete's sake, there were a number of good, excellent, and worthy principles hanging around. Why should those be abandoned? And abandoned just for the sake of some pig-headed self-righteousness. And it's not just unity that has been abandoned, any attempts at respect and kindness seem to have been thrown out with it. It's not just that others are mistaken, why their very faith and intention must also be attacked. (Should I even begin to wonder what happened to rationalism. Koo-koo, rationalism, where did you go?)

The CofC could be a great organization. It's structured to be flexible and to respond to the needs of people at a local level. There are tons of good people who call it home. The original movement emphasized individual study and the freedom of the individual conscience. I want to see the CofC live up to it's potential, and I quietly rejoice when I see CofC individuals struggling to be honest to themselves and their own beliefs and still maintain a truly loving attitude toward others. I might even loudly rejoice when I hear of CofC institutions, such as Pepperdine, welcoming progressive Christian groups like Soulforce, onto their campus for dialogue.

But for the product of a Movement that started with the goal of uniting people, the majority of CofCs seem incredibly interested in cloistering themselves off from everyone else. You are not my brother, for you use an instrument. You are not my sister, for you dare to think you may speak. You are not related to me, because you find value in the Orthodox, and value in the Catholics, and value in the Buddha, and value in Hinduism, and embrace a Muslim woman as a precious sister.

Yes, Church of Christ, you are in fact affiliated with the United Church of Christ. (Check out the last word in both names.) And maybe you could learn a bit from them.

I'll go back to my corner and read about the Buddha.

You can't get there from here.

2008-01-17T09:42:00.000-06:00

So, I miss the Petersburg bus system. Yeah, never thought I would say that. Specifically, I miss the 41. The nice, uncrowded, simple 41. And to a somewhat lesser extent the 42. Had some good meditations on those buses. I don't miss the 151 and the 152.

But, I got used the bus. And while the Petersburg bus system isn't precisely what I would call reliable, (Waiting an hour, and then there are three buses from the same route tailgating each other -- yeah . . .) I didn't have trouble getting from point A to point B. For the morning commute, generally on time even. (Afternoon and evening were another story -- but hey, there's the Metro and marshutkas to supplement the buses.)

Anyway, this all leads around to me looking out my apartment window in Memphis and noticing that buses are going by fairly regularly. So, I think to my little self -- hey, I could take the bus to school -- after all, a route runs right by the college. Eco-friendlier, might be cheaper than putting gas in my car, yeah, this could be a winning situation!

Okay, despite Memphis apparently thinking like Peter the Great, who laid out the southern portion of Saint Petersburg with the prospects shooting out from the central point of the city -- the Admiralty -- like spokes on a wheel. This makes navigation a little less intuitive than does a simple grid system. But, Memphis does this with bus routes -- everything is a ray shooting out from downtown, half of a wheel. Relatively few crosstown routes.

Anyway, the trip to and from the apartment wouldn't be too bad. One transfer. Roughly 30 minutes in the bus, and less than a block of walking. Not shabby. (Also, thirty minutes cushion time on class.) Oh, and no worries about crowding.

However -- good lord! Who set these fares? How can folks afford the bus? My fare each way would be 1.60. As best I can tell from the website, you can't just buy a monthly pass with unlimited rides. (You can in Boston -- my US comparison city.) You can buy a pass for 21 rides, which gets the base price for a ride down to 1.33 from a 1.50. Um . . . I'm having trouble fathoming how using the bus is that much less expensive than owning a car -- but by the time insurance and repairs are factored in, it might be. And, I'm not sure that my desire to be eco-friendlier over the next six months is going to include spending considerably more on transportation, than I will using my car. (Middle-class college student, my transportation situation isn't average.)

Okay, Russia spoiled me, I guess. A monthly bus pass in Peter is 385 rubles -- about 15 dollars. Probably, part of the inexpense is due to lower gas prices in Russia, and part is due to the vast majority of people in Russia using public transportation. (Incidentally, the cost of living in Peter is just as high as in Memphis.) Here, I would be looking at somewhere between 60-100 dollars on bus fares in a given month. An unlimited local bus pass in Boston is 40 dollars a month (59 dollars gets you unlimited subway rides too) -- which taking into account differences in gas prices, and probably the amount of government funding between US and Russia, seems reasonable.

Dear Memphis, unlimited monthly bus pass . . . nudge, nudge, wink, wink, you know what I mean.

The Shrub Loves Freedom?

2008-01-14T17:30:00.000-06:00

But he is selling 20 billion dollars worth of weaponry to Saudi Arabia.

Cause, you know, the Saudi's aren't repressive in the least. Not at all. Of course, it isn't immoral to back the Saudi regime. Nope.

I don't care that the Saudi's have massive influence on how much oil costs. We're screwed no matter what at this point. And I'd like to be a citizen of a country that's a little less hypocritical.

It knows something....

2008-01-13T16:21:00.000-06:00

I think my notebook knows it was just replaced. What with my word processor crashing every few minutes -- whilst I try to write a paper.

*stab*

Hurry up new computer!

Old computer, I'm sorry, really, I am. You've served me well for over four years now. We've gone through some rough times together. I promise to retire you with the dignity befitting your service, but I've got to have something that turns on reliably.

True Theology Geeks Agree...

2008-01-13T13:41:00.000-06:00

...His Dark Materials -- righteous, man!*

Here's a link to a cute comic from Shortpacked. Because, you know, loyalty, honor, responsibility, and acceptance of one's own self -- the values promoted by Iorek Byrnison and the armored bears -- are so totally horrible. Ah, dear, Iorek!

*Do I have to say how many theology geeks this statement is based upon? -- okay, just two. And my opinion is based solely on the books, because I haven't made it out to the movie. Yet. But...

Castrate the Government Already!

2008-01-12T21:01:00.000-06:00

Via my favorite looney bin of the interwebs -- an article linking the growth of government to women's suffrage.

Let's seen. Apparently, women desire a bigger goverment. No doubt this stems from our inherent penis envy.

"The gender gap exists on various issues. The major one is the issue of smaller
government and lower taxes, which is a much higher priority for men than for
women."

Oh, that gender gap, and those gender roles. And according to these nutjob, I guess I'm back to being a very, very bad woman. What with my tendencies toward libertarianism and all that. Yes, give me small government! Please. One that doesn't spend my money on pointless wars, tell me who I can and can't love, can and can't worship, etc.

"Women's average incomes are also slightly lower and less likely to vary over
time, which gives single women an incentive to prefer more progressive income
taxes. Once women become married, however, they bear a greater share of taxes
through their husbands' relatively higher income. In that circumstance, women's
support for high taxes understandably declines."

Wait. Aren't we missing the root cause of the problem here? If we fix/get rid of/revolutionize the sexist system that discriminates against women, and suddenly women weren't stuck in the lower reaches of the economic food chain, and their salaries were actually equal to those of men, according to this fellow's logic, that should also result in less support among women for a progressive tax system. (Although, this one will still consider progressive tax systems far less of an evil than regressive taxes, because that's a matter of moral principle. Maybe a flat tax? Not an economist here.) Destroy sexism -- pay less in taxes! There's a new slogan for you!

Do these nutters never give up?

2008-01-09T16:33:00.000-06:00

Apparently, adding "gender identity and expression" to hate crimes legislation in New Jersey endangers women and children.

How, pray tell?

“What is the protection from these people going into a restroom where they identify themselves as a different gender, yet they’re using the facilities at the same time you are?” he said. “It’s exposing children — an unintended consequence of the law.”

First, learn some English syntax and get back to me. Second, my god, restrooms -- what are us delicate women and children going to be exposed to in our nice, American style restrooms with freaking stall doors! I mean, the mens will be all right -- after all, if this hate crimes legislation doesn't get in the way, they can always beat up anyone who threatens their poor, embattled masculinity. I suppose, separate restrooms for males and females are enshrined in the Bible. No, no we can't give you a verse. But it's there. Yeah. Sure.

These people (the religious right, that is) make me sick.

Let's just hope he continues to lose his sheeps.

There's no such thing as a bad decision...

2008-01-09T15:24:00.000-06:00

...there's only research.

I make bad decisions. I tend to make them most often when I'm sleep-deprived, and so far, I've avoided making any bad decisions that have had truly tragic, irreversible outcomes.

So, is it the government's job to protect people from making decisions that they will later regret? Specifically, protect people by restricting their right to make that decision.

I hadn't realized how much that question was a part of anti-abortion advocacy -- at least, not the legal part. I had seen reports of post-abortion depression, trauma, etc., on anti-abortion sites -- particularly those geared toward dissuading individual women from choosing to go through with an abortion. I had not realized that claims that women might regret having an abortion would actually effect judicial rulings on the legality of abortion. (Why, yes. I suppose I am naive like that.) Flashback to Roman Empire much -- all women are perpetual children in need of a guardian to prevent them from hurting their sweet little heads?

Yeah. Sorry, if this is your reason for opposing legalized abortion, you are sexist and anti-woman. No ifs, ands, or buts, about it. Prohibiting an individual from making a choice because she might potentially regret it -- that demeans that individuals personhood and agency and is throughly despicable. Bringing that into legal advocacy designed to overturn previous court rulings and restrict the ability of women to choose whether or not they have an abortion simply reveals the sexist presumptions of the majority (if not all) of anti-abortion groups.

And, of course, women need better options than abortion, but those must to begin a hell of a long time before whenever human life may or may not begin. We need comprehensive sex education in our school systems. We need unrestricted access to birth control, both the traditional and emergency versions there of. A legal system that does a bit better at holding fathers responsible could be nice. Maybe even public school systems that actually educate EVERYONE and not just the little darlings in rich suburbs. Oh, this is a crazy idea -- a living wage! So that women have the option to feed the kid once it's been birthed. Madness.

And I'm not claiming that there aren't people who are opposed to legalized abortion and also recognize that there needs to be far greater changes to the structures of society and a simple ban just won't cut it. I don't find people who oppose abortion because they genuinely believe human life starts at conception despicable, or even necessarily sexist.

But all the organizations really seem to be more concerned with maintaining that women are inferior beings who can't be allowed to make choices, because they might regret it. Or worse, because the male involved might regret it.

Always look on the bright side of life...

2008-01-08T16:00:00.000-06:00

Okay, so, thankfully, this doesn't seem to have a chance of happening, but here's the only reason I would possibly want Fred Thompson and John Edwards to get their respective party nominations.

So I could sit around, watch the debates, and analyze the differences between educated Tennessee and educated Carolina accents.

Because there is a difference. No one Southern accent. Right ya'll?

As a side note, it makes me sad that the media completely ignores Ron Paul and the other Republican candidates bully him. Especially when he says "crazy" things like, you know, the root problem in the Middle East isn't Radical Islam it's the American history of colonizing the region and propping brutal dictators for our economic benefit. Or that all religions have their radical elements. Not that I really want Paul for President, but a little Libertarian critique would be useful.

Kill the Radio

2008-01-08T11:57:00.000-06:00

When I first started spending the majority of my time in Memphis, I declared that Memphis had far better radio stations than Nashville. (I don't listen to most country of my own free will.) I don't know if that still true or not, as radio stations do have a tendency to change. But it was true about 3 years ago when 93X actually did play pretty good mix of rock, older, newer, very new. And maybe the D.J.'s were just as bad then -- my feminist consciousness is a work in progress.

I haven't listened to the radio in a number of months. My first forswearing of the radio was two summers ago when that terrible "Hate Me" song -- I think Blue October was the group -- was getting played at least once an hour. It's not that I dislike all music that qualifies as whiny -- I think I was tossing in Depeche Mode's Ultra to replace the radio -- but could we have a little art with whiny? Or at least striking sounds? Subtlety? And if I can't have subtlety, I insist on drums.

Like much misguided popularity, the song faded, I needed a change from my CD collection, and I flipped back on the radio this summer during my treks from Rhodent land to UofM.

And they were running some "girls of summer," super-sexist, derogatory, demeaning, crass contest to get hot pictures of "babes" on their website. Oh, without -- as far as I could tell -- any real effort to ensure that the pictures were posted with the models contest. So, the commercials for that were making me a bit testy, and I killed the radio and rotated back through Soundgarden, Depeche Mode, and the Dresden Dolls.

Last night, I flipped on the radio. Yes, 93X. Mistake. It was 9:50 or so, whenever they play a local band. And, I promptly remembered why I gave up the radio in the first place. First, the opening clip was something about local rock and "all the skanks that go with it." Uhuh . . . nice, great, that's right. Let's make sure to preserve the connection between rock and roll and misogyny. Then they played a local artist who happens to be female. Hey, that's kind of cool -- not too many women making it big in rock. Granted, she won't be making it big in rock, but it would have been fun music at a club. And then, the D.J. started talking about how cool it was to get an album from a girl rocker and encouraging other women local groups or solo artist to send in their music. I begin to think -- hey, he could just temporarily redeem his little self!

Nope, soon enough he had wrapped back around to how hot girl rockers are and they're prettier to look at that guys in rock and some other nonsense. Because, first and foremost, you had better be sexy if you are a chick looking to get into rock and roll.

Murr . . . need feminist D.J.'s. I can take a certain level of sexism and misogyny in my music -- particularly classic rock. But overt sexism in the chatter -- not so much.

Off to see if there are other rock stations in Memphis that might leave me feeling less murderous.

Memphis Pizza Cafe

2007-12-28T05:20:00.000-06:00

I'm coming home to you.

Soon. Very soon.

For you, my heart bleeds...

2007-12-27T07:03:00.000-06:00

No, not really.

OMG! Suburban schools have different grading standards and don't all give students the same amount of credit for AP and IB hurting little Johnny and Susie's chances at merit scholarships at prestigious universities. That's like, totally unfair.

Give me a break. The real disparity and unfairness is between filthy rich suburban schools who can actually offer AP and IB classes, and poor schools in the inner cities where you're lucky if they actually manage to teach reading, writing, and arithmetic, and the poor schools in rural areas, where maybe they teach reading, writing, and arithmetic very well, but there's no resources available for advanced classes.

Yeah, it's really a tradegy that Johnny or Susie didn't get extra GPA points for their AP classes. It's not like a county or two over, or in the inner city, there are kids who aren't being taught to read, or graduating without being able to make change for a dollar. Oh, wait, nevermind, it is.

Thank god, I'm from a family of inveterate geeks!

Wake Up! Time for the sex talk!

2007-12-24T05:39:00.000-06:00

First comment, Whithorne Middle School has real DJs at their dances?! Us kids at the unloved stepchild of the Maury County School system had to make do with having the Student Council and friends haul in what CDs we had, and dragging Cousin Eric's speakers and player down the hill to the school. A real DJ? At 300 dollars a pop? That's . . . there have to be better uses for that money -- get creative!

Yes, I know that I'm overlooking the fact that Hampshire has somewhat older kids, somewhat better equipped to collectively disc jockey a school dance than a middle school does. But I'm all for unit schools anyway.

Okay, so, what's the occasion? Apparently, some parents were offended by lyrics they overheard while waiting to pick their kids up from the dance and with the normal wisdom shown by the powers that be in Maury County, the director of schools is contemplating suspending dances at middle schools.

Yeah, so, I might be wrong, but I think the song in question "Get Low" is kinda passe. I believe I remember it from my high school days . . . and four years does seem to make all the difference as to what's cool in the musical tastes of pre-adolescents. Seriously, you hadn't already heard this song enough to be offended by it? I'm not questioning whether the song is offensive or in bad taste -- the lyrics make my feminist skin crawl. And, actually, I'm not the most sensitive flower in the field. There would literally be no way to edit these lyrics. Of course, you also can hardly understand them -- with the exception of "My BALLS" being yelled at points, which is probably where the offense was taken.

But, no one remains innocent forever, and while the school should have guidelines for the music played at school-sponsored dances, you can't escape "Get Low" -- believe me, I tried for most of my junior and senior years of high school.

But then what offends me about the song was probably not the parental objections. The Herald article doesn't mention people being offended by misogyny and the abject objectification of the female body. Just offense at mention of genitalia and explicitives. So, they'd probably also object to The Dresden Dolls, without distinguishes between the two. (No, I wouldn't play most of the Dresden Dolls' catalog at a middle school dance, in part because they wouldn't get it.)

The sad thing is that songs like this, Cosmogirl, television shows, and misinformation on the school bus is roughly all the sex education the kids of Maury County are getting. So, not only are they not innocent -- they have nothing with which to balance the pop culture. And the solution, dear parents and school board of Maury County -- is not to suspend school dances because of an inappropriate song, the solution is to get some real sex education. Something to counter the prevalent mythology. To teach respect in sexual situations, both for your own self and for whoever else is involved. Maybe some basic knowledge of how things work -- because I, being known as the smart kid, was once asked on the bus if you could get pregnant if you were taking birth control pills and using a condom. I was in middle school at the time! The girl asking me was, I think, a junior! Something isn't quite right with this scenario. And, this scenario is far more harmful (and objectionable) than an inappropriate song being played at a school dance.

But why would anyone think of doing a silly thing like that. Nope, no, let's bury our heads in the sand.

More Religious Madness in Memphis...

2007-12-21T11:12:00.001-06:00

Just when you thought the buckle of the Bible Bible couldn't get any weirder...

I mean, we've got the Bellevue Baptist's mock calvary, Love In Action, Getwell CofC, more nutty things I could probably think of if I took the time, but the World Overcomers church has surpassed -- ah, I mean, overcome -- all previous expectations for lunacy. I mean, some literally freaky fundies. Read more at Theology and Geometry.

If I’m Going to Have Monks Coming Out of My Ears...

2007-12-20T07:41:00.000-06:00

...I might as well play with them.

I scribbled the beginnings of this a while ago on the bus (the seven, oh, the seven) meditating on my favorite subject – gender and ascetics – and thought I would clean it up a bit and post it. However, the citations are going to be a bit hazy – given my current limited internet connectivity, and being half a world away from my library. (I rarely identify with St. Jerome – but I need to have my library, okay, man. Understand!)

The gut reaction in an encounter with hagiography is a sense that early Christians (or at least those who had time and education for writing) hated the physical body, and while it’s true that the relationship of Christianity with the body is a difficult one, but it is far more complicated than a simple rejection. (Barring a handful of folks here and there, who did flatly reject the physical body.)

So, if one looks at monasticism and asceticism not as a rejection of the body, but as a rejection of social constructions placed upon the body, requirements of sexual renunciation and celibacy take on a new meaning – relating back to the construction of gender and gender roles in Early Christianity.

For example, this offers an alternative reading of the separation of male and female bodied persons into single-sex monasteries. The practice may not necessarily reinforce gender roles and boundaries. By removing the physical differentiation of sex, monasteries could also remove the temptation to attach social meaning to that physical difference. As there aren't men and women in a single sex monastery, so there aren't men's roles and women's roles within the microsociety of the monastery. Further there is evidence in the Lives and Sayings of the Desert Fathers and Mothers that this lesson was intended to extend to the monastic’s interactions with society as a whole. (I’m thinking of the anecdote in which one of the desert mothers upbraids two monks for making her femaleness an issue – which might be in the Sayings or might have been in The Forgotten Desert Mothers, which is by Laura Swan.)

Obviously, it would be a mistake on my part to attempt to argue that everyone in Early Christianity was thinking along these lines. There’s more than enough misogynists running about through early Christianity. (Tertullian, Jerome, Augustine – I blame you three for many, many things.) And lots of ascetic hagiography is heavy on the “woman-hating” as my sister termed it after what, I suspect, will be her first and last Religious Studies class.

But we’re not talking about a monolith here. ;D And I’m fairly convinced that a decent minority of early Christians were out to overthrow gender norms.

And the Recommended Reading

2007-12-20T07:36:00.000-06:00

Today's recommended reading is from Russ Adcox's Ramblings, regarding the "war" on Christmas.

Quote of the Day

2007-12-20T07:35:00.001-06:00

"Look at this beautiful sunset! It looks like a building is on fire." Bryan

My Computer is Unhappy

2007-12-19T03:54:00.000-06:00

Insanely slow. As in, it takes it 15-20 to start up slow.
I suspect this is mostly just the effects of age, but I'm sure that falling on the ice didn't help. Oh, and the last update of Firefox screwed up Google Gears.

But enough of that. Let’s Talk About Fantasy

High fantasy is my bad habit. Okay, well, one of my bad habits. Both the reading and writing thereof. (Poking around old palaces results in scribbling high fantasy, apparently.)

I think I’ve written about Carol Berg once before, back in the beginning, commenting on her sadism toward her characters, and worrying that she was falling into the trap of repeating the same basic plot. Since then, I’ve read the third book in Bridge of D’Arnath trilogy – The Soul Weaver. I’m actually into my second reading. Do pick up this book if you’re looking for something to read.

First off – Berg is a more than capable writer. She doesn’t hit the sublime height of the greats, but she’s better than many, many writers who are currently being published – including a number of the “literary” writers.

I’m impressed with anyone who can write a novel in first person from different points of view and successful change the tone, dictation, and mannerism of each. And, she’s quite successful in pulling that off in the novel. The style changes appropriately for each character and deftly captures character’s the mental state. Berg’s characterization continues to be strong even with characters who do not get to narrate their own sections. She has a hand for dialogue and indicates dialects and education levels without resorting to obnoxious misspellings or offensive uses of dialect.

There’s a tendency in high fantasy for info-dumping – dropping a lot of description in together. Perhaps this is because fantasy is typically set in an imaginary world and authors want to communicate the setting. While Berg has created some of the most fantastic alternative worlds I’ve ever read about, she also manages to avoid this flaw. She picks just the right details and works them into the development of the plot.

Her characters are deliciously complicated. There are villains of pure evil here and there – but she develops them into three dimensional figures of evil – but on the whole her characters are quite human. Virtuous but mistaken. Blinded by their own needs. So on and so forth. A rare thing in fantasy.

Second, and this is why I’m currently raving, Berg develops some of the most interesting philosophical scenarios in fantasy. In some ways, I even prefer her to Phillip Pullman, whose His Dark Materials Trilogy would be a pressing second. Perhaps it’s because her scenarios are more divorced from the real world, which gives her more freedom to work. Her first trilogy: Transformation, Revelation, Restoration – dealt in part with the question of how a good person should respond when he or she discovers that his or her religion is predicated on a tragic misunderstanding. (You can see how this would appeal to me.)

I wasn’t as in love with her second series. Still good, but just not quite as meaty of reading. Surprisingly, however, the third book – which I picked up for airplane reading – is philosophically satisfying. The Soul Weaver features at marvelously created alternative world – or rather a world being called out of chaos. She refers to it as The Bounded, and it is populated by residents who, due to physical deformity would be outcasts in either of the two “formed” worlds of the novel. Names have particular power in this world, and all the residents of the Bounded desperately desire one.

A number of questions are posed. What is the power of names? (Not that uncommon of a theme in fantasy, but this take is well-done.) Who gets to distribute them? Are people allowed to name themselves – that is, determine the “wholeness” of their being?

Further, the boundaries of this world are in constant flux – growing outwards. How should those who have just been brought into the “bounded” be treated by longer term residents? Kindness, suspicion, welcome, fear, envy? Significantly, “the philosophy” of this world, lives closest to the boundary – on the edge of comprehensible reality.

Obviously, this is a novel – not a philosophical text, so while the questions are posed and explored to varying degrees within the novel, no conclusions were really reached. Berg isn’t especially didactic, as is Phillip Pullman or (to be fair and balanced) C. S. Lewis, which overall, I feel makes her books a more enjoyable read.

Homeward Bound- The Playlist

2007-12-18T05:27:00.000-06:00

Otherwise known as a way of procrastinating while using other people’s creativity to attempt to express my complicated relationship with that odd concept of “home.” And for anyone who ever wondered what I listened to beyond the endlessly quoted Soundgarden and Depeche Mode.

Yes “American Idiot” would be on here, if it had ripped correctly from my CD. Alas, it did not. Although, perhaps, it would have been redundant.

1. “Homeward Bound” Simon and Garfunkel
(Maybe I should add “Keep the Customer Satisfied” – “I get slandered. Libeled. I hear words I never heard in the Bible.”)
2. “South is Only a Home” The Fiery Furnaces
(This song perfectly expresses my relationship with the South – nonsense, with an odd overlay of perceived meaning.)
3. “Runnin’ Blue” The Doors
(“Back down, turn around slowly, try it again.” I should add this to my mirror I think.)
4. “Honky Cat” Elton John
(I may have quit those redneck ways, but I want some redneck food.)
5. “Be Yourself” Audioslave
6. “Otherside” Red Hot Chilli Peppers
7. “Barrel of a Gun” Depeche Mode
8. “Graceland” Paul Simon
(No, I still refuse to actually go to Graceland until I no longer live in Memphis, or have visiting guests to use as an excuse.)
9. “Soul Man” Sam and Dave
10. “Big Machine” Goo Goo Dolls
11. “A Pain that I’m Used To” Depeche Mode
(Please?)
12. “Dirty Business” The Dresden Dolls
(Yes, if I ever get slings in Paris – they will be from the dumpster.)
13. “An American Prayer” The Doors
(I love the lyric “I touched her thigh and Death smiled.” I don’t exactly know why.)
14. “Vincent” Don McLean
15. “You Could Have It So Much Better” Franz Ferdinand
16. “The Bitch is Back” Elton John
17. “Rush” Depeche Mode
18. “Green Onions” Booker T. and the MGs
19. “Broken City” Audioslave
(So what if it was actually written about Detroit? I can make it about Memphis.)
20. “You May Be Right” Billy Joel
21. “Pretty Noose” Soundgarden
22. “Laughing Out Loud” The Wallflowers
(Cause things are so ridiculous in my life, that laughing is the only correct response. Perhaps followed by crying. People known to be sane agree with me.)
23. “Seven Nation Army” The White Stripes
(Perhaps, when the inevitable crack-up does occur, I will go be a welder in Wichita.)
24. “Rusty Cage” Soundgarden
25. “Carry on Dancing” Savage Garden
26. “Flagpole Sitta” Harvey Danger
(“...to see a little bit clearer, the rottenness and evil in me...”)
27. “Mississippi Squirrel Revival” Ray Stevens
(one can only hope)
28. “A Little Less Conversation” Elvis Presley
(yes, the Ocean’s Eleven remix)
29. “All Apologies” Nirvana (Maybe this should follow “Dirty Business.”)
30. “Bright Lights” Matchbox Twenty
31. “California Dreamin’” The Mamas and the Papas
(As much as I love Memphis, I hope to be relocating to California at some point in the near future.)
32. “Smile Like You Mean It” The Killers
(Someone is, in fact, playing a game in the house that I grew up in.)
33. “Mean Town Blues” Johnny Winter
34. “Evil” Interpol
(Cell mate? You mean, I could have a cell mate instead of talking to the wall? Surely you must jest. No seriously.)
35. “The Dead of Night” Depeche Mode
(I will be jet-lagged. This will be fun, fun, fun.)
36. “Manic Depression” Jimi Hendrix
(Self-explanatory.)
37. “Curbside Prophet” Jason Mraz
38. “What a Scene” Goo Goo Dolls
39. “What You Live By” Harvey Danger

iTunes tells me that this puppy is 2.4 hours worth of music. Should get me through at least part of the flight. Will probably add more as I goes along. It is a ten hour flight from Frankfurt to NYC, I think. Hopefully, no obnoxious little boys this time around.

Navigating Clothing Racks

2007-12-18T05:15:00.000-06:00

Inspired mostly by many posts of the fantastic Dw3t-Hthr, but specifically by this one.

I’ll confess to having somewhat more than adequate navigational skills. I’m quite good at finding my way from point A to point B. I get lost, but I usually don’t stay lost for very long. (I’ve gotten lost twice in Memphis, once on the North side and once on the South side. Neither time for very long – well, if I turn south and keep going straight, eventually I’ll hit Sam Cooper or, oh hey, there’s Jackson Avenue, groovy, home we go! Midtown is a beautiful grid that navigates with great clarity.) And apparently, this is impressive enough that one friend went on a 15 minute ramble to another friend about what a good sense of direction I possess – mostly because after we had wandered through the Gostinii Dvor mall in search of mythical non-pay toilets, I knew in which direction Nevsky Prospect lay as soon as we walked out.

Here’s the funny thing. I can’t follow directions. At the beginning of the program our baby-sitter (program manager) kept trying to give me directions, and I just wanted him to point out the location on the map, and don’t worry, I’ll be there on time. I have to be able to visualize things. If I can look at a map, directions are useful – of course – but directions alone don’t help me much. I think in terms of geometry, not go until you see the two silos, and turn right.

According to a Discover article I once read, years and years in the past, this is the way male brains navigate. At the time, I thought it was pretty groovy that my brain did directions like a boy. Guess what, I still think it’s groovy. And – I can navigate without the Boy Scouts teaching me – hah!

I, of course, take this as personal proof that the male/female categories of gender are hardly as discrete, coherent, and eternal as the majority of people would like to think.

All in all, I’m not good at the whole “girl” thing. There’s a photo of me when I was two or three in a flouncy, pink ballet inspired dress. This is probably the last time I was doing good at being a girl. I’ve fought off the term “young lady” for as long as I can remember. It always felt confining and box-like. Role like, if you will.
– Sit up straight, you’re a young lady!
– But, I’m not a young lady!

I’ll ‘fess up to having gone through a couple of periods during my rapidly coming to close undergraduate career of trying to conform to being a “young lady.” I would try to up the standards of wardrobe a bit. Nice blouses. You know, one’s with pretty gathers, and made of lightweight fabric. Tighter fitting jeans. A pair of capri pants. No fashions that were offensive to my aesthetic eye. Every article of clothing I bought, I liked the look of on my friends, on my little sister, etc. Very pretty, very aesthetically pleasing clothing.

What happened? I felt ridiculously self-conscious in the flipping things. I would feel naked in the loose, flowing fabric. I would be acutely aware of every little crack in the facade. *ack! there’s a bit of my leg I forgot to shave! Wait! My posture doesn’t fit this outfit. They’re going to find me out!* So, inevitably, these pretty, feminine clothes would end up unworn in the back of my closet, whilst I run around in tie dyed T-shirts (or plaid shirts, of course), men’s jeans, and rope sandals.

In one such phase, I told my roommate that I wasn’t allowed to buy clothes from the men’s section and she was to enforce this. (She’s my normal shopping partner, or rather I’m her shopping partner and occasionally buy things for myself.) While following C. through various stores in the mall, I kept finding myself drawn to the men’s section. That’s such a pretty plaid! Look at those pearl buttons! Ah, those pants have so many pockets!

And, it isn’t that I absolutely detest dressing up. I normally don’t do so for classes, because I don’t see the point (I’ve only been to class in pajamas once, I promise), but yes, I recognize that there are situations which require looking neat, put together, and formal. I have one outfit that I tend to use when giving presentations or doing interviews. Black dress pants and a nicely detailed, striped, pearl-buttoned shirt (women’s even). Sometimes, I’ll even break out my high heels to go with it, because I want the extra inches. And, I feel perfectly comfortable in this outfit (provided I don’t need to walk far, but those cases I go for flats). It’s formal. It’s not masculine enough to make other people uncomfortable, and it’s not feminine enough to make me uncomfortable. Structure. Details. (Lace can be a good thing.) But not frills. All is well. I’m confident and ready to take on the world.

So here’s the ironic thing. When I’m “cross-dressing” that is wearing clothes which were manufactured with boys or men in mind or in the case of my business-formal wear inspired by traditionally male fashions, I feel perfectly nature and at home. It’s not a skirt versus pants things. A plain black skirt, mid calf or longer, doesn’t make me feel self-conscious. An awesome, funky skirt (such as the brown, black, orange, and red, huge print on polyester number I refuse to throw out) won’t make me self-conscious – it’s in a category all of its own. Put me in "feminine" clothes and I am going to be a nervous wreck, feeling like a house of cards about to fall down – doing drag and failing miserably at it.

And this has very little to do with wanting to look like a boy, or not look like a girl. It’s just that the things that I like on a garment for my own wear – patterns, straight lines, subtle but present detailing, and a certain level of practicality – show up more frequently in men’s clothing than in women’s. And since I can get away with wearing men’s clothes since I have no hips and am not well endowed in the bust area – why bother with making the distinction?